Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I was driving to work, following my girlfriend's car. I looked down to change the radio station and felt a large bump. I rear-ended my girlfriend. FML
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Today, I went for a drive to clear my head of relationship issues. That night, I got pulled over. Lost the car and my license. I texted my girlfriend, saying I was sorry; she left. Lost her too. FML
Party hard
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML
Top comments
freernnur5 0
you fail for trying to drink and drive
Silent_Harmony 3
Ok so not only do you drink and then drive. But then you start texting too?
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Comments (204)
freernnur5 0
you fail for trying to drink and drive
Gavik 0
Drinking+Driving+Texting=Lucky you only rear-ended.
tyhillman 0
I've driven so drunk before that I didn't remember where I parked the next day. It's not like it impairs your abilities so much that you can't function. Actually, texting reduces your reaction speed by 35% and drinking only reduces it by 12% so it was the texting that caused him to rear-end her. Not the drinks.
Flounder 2
Everyone insists they're a fine driver drunk until they ******* KILL SOMEONE. God how stupid can you get??? Hopefully you will die before you kill anyone else.
tyhillman 0
How can I kill anyone else when I haven't killed anyone in the first place?
tyhillman 0
Oh, and if you look at the numbers you are 3 times more likely to kill someone by texting than drinking. So unless you have never texted while driving, you shouldn't hope that I would die.
Starchild21 3
No you're retarded. All people react differently to alcohol, impairments range between 10% to 40%. And that doesn't count how many drinks, the speed you drank, the strength, and whether you ate or not, so throw your statistics out, they're useless. _______________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
tyhillman 0
Wow, call me retarded, that's politically correct. Those numbers are based off of BAC, so yes, that considers every one of your "variables."
Starchild21 3
Statistics are bullshit in this regard, I guarantee you it did not consider variables. They only have meaning when there's a group, because you find the mean, otherwise on an individual basis the variables are too great. That's what I'm saying. Anyway you are right that he implies the texting ****** him up. But if you drove so drunk you forgot where you parked, wouldn't you say that impaired your abilities a shit ton more than texting? ___________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
tyhillman 0
No, that's just short-term memory loss after sleeping. If you ever drink, you know your limits as to what you can or cannot do.
Starchild21 3
I do drink, a little too much on the weekends usually lol, but you have to admit that getting hammered can make you far more likely to cause an accident than texting. I don't know what level your statistic respondents had their content at, but I guarantee you a .24 is enough to completely impair behind the wheel. Maybe if you ever blacked out and woke up somewhere confused as hell and only remembering the very beginning of the night you might understand. _______________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
tyhillman 0
Well no shit, the statistics were just over the legal limit.
Starchild21 3
Wow you don't even respond to the entire post. Way to snipe at an argument. Good Job! And no shit I know they were over the limit, if you read I said .24, which is 3x the legal limit and a norm in certain states that have chronic DUI problems. ________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
TysonFawlay 0
No. Haha, no. No no no no. No. =) I agree texting while driving is ******* stupid but saying it's fine to drive drunk and that it doesn't impair you, no. It's untrue. It doesn't matter if you think you're a good driver or think it's fine. It's not.
Unregistered 0
tyson how the **** would you know you have neither a)drank alchol b) drove a car so please stfu
shakemup 0
Who said he was drunk?
englishmuffin 0
Who are all the idiots who think it's perfectly safe to text and drive, drink and drive, or the combination of these? I hope we're never driving within proximity of one another.
gigi37 0
OP, You both deserved it; she should have called you instead of texting you Sorry to post unrelated to the thread above me, but everyone should watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rdV9ADjpcg
cheese1756 0
YDI for texting while driving. Just watch this: http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?&next_url=/watch%3Fv%3D8I54mlK0kVw
HotKarl0417 0
first off i'm not sure when this FML was sent in but as i currently live in Missouri I know for a fact that driving while operating any electronic devise is illegal as for you "Unregistered" next time you want to argue with someone make sure you don't base your arguement on an assumption. i didn't see any of these people say "i've never drank a drop in my life but i'm going to judge anyway". seriously? how do you know some of these people haven't gotten completely wasted and killed someone else? i mean if you are allowed to assume they have never dranken a drop in there lives shouldn't i be able to assume maybe they've killed or i don't know.. a bunch of kids? and before you comment (like i know you will) i have gotten hammered before and i've been driving for years so don't even start. and tyhillman to say that drinking doesn't do shit to your driving is probably one of the least intelligent things i've ever heard(or read i suppose). just slightly below this unregistered guy. how you can claim to drive so drunk that you don't even remember where you parked and then go on to say that drinking has no affect on your judgement is retarded. especially if your defense for said arguement is that its a short term memory loss, well clearly if the alcohol in your system is able to act as a depressant enough that the next morning you have no recollection of where you parked is it not at least plausable that... i don't know... maybe it would have an affect on your brain and thus you wouldn't be driving right? and before you throw your statistics again understand that for looking at a large group of people those statistics are great but for individuals they don't mean a thing.. i mean if 60% of people were lets say immune to the common cold that clearly means i am right because a majority of people are immune? not necessarily while it would be true that if someone was to guess if i were immune it would be the wise choice but as an individual i either am or am not. and even if your statistics showed that all those people could drive fine while drunk. the fact that alcohol can make you have " short term memory loss" implies that you could not be one of the people that are realatively unaffected by alcohol
sara942 0
the OP was on the highway, driving at night. Sounds like an accident waiting to happen...oh wait, IT DID HAPPEN. Totally deserved it.
Starchild21 3
Karl has a point, and I'm glad he saw my side on a few of the issues. 2 Points! lol ____________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
kcmcg09 0
ur a ******* idiot drinking driving and texting at the same time. people like you kill other people
xEmGai 0
COCKBLOCK ;))
l33tm0nk3y 0
#15, you took the words right out of my mouth
helloxrina 0
well hopefully you got to rear-end her again when you finally got back to her place ;)
Notsobadboy 0
listen man, my brother was killed by a drunk driver, so if you think its ok to drive drunk, maybe you should think about the lives you may hurt in the process, its never the one who deserves it that gets hurt.
phreshboi 1
I guess thats the only 'rear end' he got that night ;)
rayofsunshine200 0
stupidest comeback ever. go back to school
volleyballchik 10
You're an idiot for not only drinking and driving but trying to text too!! I hope she left you there!!!
TheBlackRussian 13
I'd just like to point out that the OP never said he was drinking. He only admitted to being at a bar and paying for drinks that the girl later consumed. HE was texting and driving. SHE was doing both. That is all.
spunky_gal 0
and that is why texting and driving is a bad idea
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Not to mention the drinking!
Wingman527 22
people like OP and this girl really piss me off
Ray_of_midnight 23
YDI for texting while driving.
YDIforbeingu 0
YDI for going back to her place and not yours
Tim3 0
idiot
Intoxicunt 6
You rear-ended her??? Sounds like a good night for you! Props, buddy.
porsche944 0
Damn, you stole my comment
Intoxicunt 6
I thought about mentioning the "HEAD back to her place" bit, but that was just easier.
Intoxicunt 6
#41, did you come up with that all on your own? You're absolutely brilliant. Your mother must be so proud.
filip_fml 0
you guys are being too anal =)
Intoxicunt 6
Hahaha. #69, FTW.
mardybum_fml 0
almost stole my comment - "well you were probably planning to rear end her anyways!"
22jrdn55 15
lmaoo... YDI for drinking, following a *****, and for texting while driving!!
Silent_Harmony 3
Ok so not only do you drink and then drive. But then you start texting too?
withmywideeyes 0
YDI for using your phone in the car.
fmh123 0
ughh I knew I would see these things eventually. but yea you shouldn of tried texting her, ughh so many wrong here, you guys were both drunk shouldnt of been driving. should have just boned in the car
Aurvandil 0
Texting while driving is smart.