Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
bobbybill0519 7
One does not simply refuse a *******
melij99 5
You may be the first man in history to be called a jerk for refusing a BJ. Congratulations!
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Comments (83)
jacquesromualdez 12
Why did you get embarrassed all of a sudden?
ScaughtieHolden 11
Could've been part of a sudden, don't assume things.
putloginhere 6
Wow 18. I think my IQ just went down...
Theblackrose8 5
Eh, happened to me and my bf but in reverse. It just happens
silbot 11
He might not have shaved... He might not have showered... Basically he could have been hairy and dirty as **** down there and that's why he was embarrassed
j_cat187 20
What the hell 62! Aren't you like 6?
niccilooloo 0
You look like your 12.
1R1X0X0 10
You're :b
sillylillyxoxo 7
You look 14...
kattylizbeth 19
142- you have to be 13 to have an fml account. As a 14 year-old, I think people who think teens aren't smart or mature enough to be on here should get the eff off themselves. But, that's just me. Also, I frequently find that I am more mature than a lot of the 20-30 year old posters. Just saying.
mackenzie2323 5
149 - It's called lying about your age. The restriction means nothing.
artistvspoet16 6
I honestly laughed, ignore the down votes number 18!
flashback_fml 14
I think so lol
Esma_fml 10
149- okay just chill out, the point of this website is for people to be able to post their opinions and say what they think there's no need to get cranky
magnetic_aura 26
#18 - I I thought this was clever and funny. Sorry you got voted down so much. I'd give you extra thumbs up if I could.
CuriousAlien 7
Why would you even feel embarrassed? Is your penis small or something?
deBlobX 12
Well, don't make assumptions or make OP feel bad because that could well be the case asshole
happle 21
Girls get nervous too. Guys don't have to accept sex every time it's offered.
Eric125125 13
That makes it even funnier !!!!!
Grimmerie 31
I used to refuse sex all the time with girls because it's almost impossible to find a casual way of saying "by the way I don't actually have a penis." My current girlfriend is AWESOME and doesn't care, but if you're dating someone new and maybe you're getting intimate for the first time it's very difficult to bring up things you're embarrassed about.
SenselessPattern 12
118 You sound like Jake Barnes...
Grimmerie 31
125, I am fortunately not impotent. I function quite well actually! I'm just not the kind of man most people expect.
blackcherries 5
Well maybe it was his first BJ? That can be quite embarrassing or maybe he thought he needed to wash quickly or something. Shit happens, it's no big.
coolhandluke60 6
Haha agreed
nota90skid 11
Having a small penis is a disability you wouldn't make fun of guy in a wheelchair would you it's not something they can just simply change. Unless you got cash.
horses99 4
wtf^^ having a small penis isn't a disability
bobbybill0519 7
One does not simply refuse a *******
Jac_d_ipper 10
Does = Must
Fisheyedfool7 2
FACT! Unless you're in the closet???
Inheritance 10
How does one turn down a bj?
ShyAnn29 15
41, they say no
emilyjgraham 34
37, if you're the closet shit your eyes and imagine a guy?
WritingWrongs 8
Like I said in reply to "1", bj's are just uncomfortable awkward, and just plain un-enjoyable to me. I can't help but get the feeling that it's degrading to women.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
50 how does one SHIT there eyes???
biggestfan23 11
#69 they make it degrading in pornos. If a guy knows how to treat a girl the girl usually doesn't find it degrading
Yodaevil 4
#91, is right. I never feel like less of a man or weaker if I go down on a woman. It makes me feel good that I can do something that pleases her, that she can just kick back and enjoy the experience. (I enjoy it too) so why would you assume you know how she feels about performing on you? It's rude to think for your partner, let her decide how she fells about it. If its bad or she doesn't enjoy it, trust her to tell you. That's how a good relationship works.
leena24 11
I'm a girl. I love giving ********. I never feel degraded. Case closed.
prioo 6
One girls opinion on giving blow jobs does not close the case.
luminos77 3
Stop being a prude dude.
sugarbear0727 19
I hate ********. I'm good at them, but it's not my cup of tea. I do it to please my bf, because he likes them, and I love him.
Sandsh8rk 36
I understand that she would be a bit disappointed however she doesn't need to think any less of you, that's just inconsiderate.
miss_madison 10
This would be me: Me- "Why love? What's wrong?" Boyfriend- "I would just rather please you" Me- "if that's what you want. I'm ok with pleasing you." In my head- I ******* LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!!!
zandalee 20
I actually get what you mean OP. Most people need to feel pretty comfortable with both themselves and their partner before the intimacy of a *******. Show her how you feel about her and she won't feel inadequate.;)
kcor1176 0
Lol wtf? Must be some metro sexual beyotches. What happen to man hood?
wellnevermind 4
Probably you word it wrong to get such misunderstanding. Just make it clear you got a little shy, and everything will be back to normal. (:
melij99 5
You may be the first man in history to be called a jerk for refusing a BJ. Congratulations!
bobslawnservice 16
This is exactly what I was thinking.
ApacheC424 18
There is a first time for everything.
perdix 31
The OP is like Sasquatch -- there are legends of a man who refuses ********, but only crazy people believe he actually exists.
gc327072 31
Or like the legend of the Stig on bbc top gear "some say he once refused a *******.."
ddukes4 2
I refuse them sometimes. Sometimes I just want to hear her satisfied.
yousuck44 11
Would you he felt better, if she had ripped the condom with her teeth?
zingline89 18
Never try too hard to reference an old FML :)
yousuck44 11
Thanks for the advice
woosah 16
Pervious FML ya? Don't get how it applies to this one though.... Anyone else get it?
zingline89 18
I turned down a bj once -said no man ever Jk OP, she'll get over it. Especially if you blow her mind with how well you blow her uh...ya know
perdix 31
It's you, sir, who is inadequate. Your Man Card is being revoked. Men learn how to handle rejection of their sexual advances, but turning down a woman is devastating. I'll probably get thumbed down to oblivion for pointing this out, but if you're a guy who wants to be with a woman, you've got to accept some sexual rejection from her (hopefully only occasionally), but be willing to perform for her on demand. Not fair, but that's the way it is. What did you say her number was?
zingline89 18
6
zandalee 20
0800blowme
zingline89 18
Noor! That's my number! Now everyone on FML is going to call it, thanks a lot!
CharresBarkrey 16
16 - it's from a song...
zingline89 18
20 - I'm aware :)
BellaBelle_fml 23
20 - It's a joke…
mustangkid_2 2
I wonder if anyone has tried to call that number with their local area code... If so what happened?
tnlander 20
The area code is 212 and the number is from up state New York. The lady paid almost $200,000 to get the number in an auction. Call her, she's lonely.
Octain 13
I tried :) number didn't exist :(
fmlallthetyme 23
There were multiple area codes with the same number. Most, however, have been disconnected due to the non-stop ringing.
griffy14 9
Nah. He should keep his man card. Teaching the girl a lesson. There are days when men don't feel "pretty" and feel fat and just want to drink beer and eat Bon bons on the couch on days like that. She should respect that.
tnlander 20
The other famous one is in Vegas. Area code 775.
TotallyAradical 14
Area code 702 for Las Vegas.
tnlander 20
No Vegas has two area codes now.