The Top

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By mermaidkeels - 18/06/2016 08:51 - United States

Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 990

You deserved it 1 018

By hiccups - 13/01/2013 06:15 - United States - Canton

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 729

You deserved it 2 838

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 22:46 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 653

You deserved it 2 710

Turbulence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 024

You deserved it 3 164

Better run

By bob the builder - 08/11/2012 14:36 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 426

You deserved it 1 739

By Pfff - 11/12/2008 10:40 - France

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 436

You deserved it 8 141

By Earplugged - 25/01/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 731

You deserved it 2 165

Buddy Rich is not dead

By DrumrollPlease - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 731

You deserved it 2 171

By Username - 21/01/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 248

You deserved it 3 656

By life_sucks - 16/01/2010 18:46 - New Zealand

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 7 531

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 848

You deserved it 54 868

By Drew - 30/11/2014 03:20 - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 726

You deserved it 3 022

Sorry

By RaveCharlie - 18/04/2013 22:47 - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend twice. Apparently, the first time she thought I was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 576

You deserved it 7 147

Slicy slicy

By nessacadesa - 24/03/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 997

You deserved it 58 507

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 06:13 - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 211

You deserved it 37 413

Look at that

By That escalated quickly - 24/06/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 517

You deserved it 4 303

By badhair - 13/09/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 130

You deserved it 6 244

Alas, poor Mickey

By socksoffire - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 686

You deserved it 4 930

By dannij08 - 27/01/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 49 311

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 03:22 - United States - Naples

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 011

You deserved it 2 513

Mood ruined

By Anonymous - 10/02/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 919

You deserved it 18 175

What do I get?

By kirassi919 - 20/09/2012 16:50 - United States - North Wales

Today, I helped my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 208

You deserved it 2 270

By fark - 20/11/2014 20:45 - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 500

You deserved it 9 507

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 3 871

Shower time

By poolboy - 23/07/2012 04:28

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later, while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 345

You deserved it 2 822

By SymmetricalPizzaFace - 07/09/2014 04:52 - United States - Westminster

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 722

You deserved it 2 959

By Wouldntitbeniceif - 01/05/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 866

You deserved it 15 073

Top of the morning

By munnyfish - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friend's place, along with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 620

You deserved it 34 111

By Happyforeverx - 25/10/2009 15:30 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 308

You deserved it 8 768

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 238

You deserved it 2 920

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The Top

Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 225

Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 045

You deserved it 2 159

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 671

You deserved it 3 733

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 909

You deserved it 2 753

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 371

Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 1 280