Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
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Top comments
Steve97 32
You would make a hell of a lawyer if your client still ended up innocent.
am1717 22
You sure he was actually innocent...?
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Comments (56)
am1717 22
You sure he was actually innocent...?
FKLinguista 9
Innocent until proven guilty. Showing up drunk doesn't mean he was guilty, of course. But in the eyes of a jury and judge, it certainly doesn't help his case.
am1717 22
I'm honestly just joking haha but true what you said
fushengyuan 20
You tried your best, everything will be alright :)
jen1097 25
His own fault, not yours. You did your job and you tried :)
Sulphuric_Glue 16
Unless it's a no win no fee which is unlikely for this sort of lawyer but still possible Edit: What am I thinking? This is American, everything costs money over there
fhlakd 25
Work sucks. I know.
vicfirthfan 11
she left me roses by the stairs
jen1097 25
Say it ain't so
rapunzel13 11
I will not go
NickACD 27
Turn the lights off
ChickenNug 17
Carry me home
Sulphuric_Glue 16
God shut up you lil mugs
KayleeFrye 39
Nanana nanananana nanananananananana!
anonymous198913 26
You did your job, if your client wanted to win, they should've done their job and come into court in a professional manner. Sorry, OP.
Steve97 32
You would make a hell of a lawyer if your client still ended up innocent.
Schmavid64 13
Actually the client would end up classified as "not guilty." In most western nations courts don't proclaim someone as innocent but instead as not guilty. Semantics I know.
Arot6 17
Depending on how airtight the defense is, I'm sure OP could at least make a case for reasonable doubt, which is all that is required to get a "not guilty" verdict (due process is awesome that way).
CheekyRaccoon 27
I guess he finally got his half price vodka then.
holly_fly 34
FTW #6 XD
Druu 53
His sobriety in court has no bearing on the underlying crime with which he's charged. It merely diminishes your attempt to prove character, which you would not do unless his character is called into question by the prosecution first. You don't sound like a lawyer. (For the next time you want to play lawyer, remember innocent until proven guilty. Your outlook on the case and client speaks volumes in front of the judge, jury, your colleagues, etc.)
crazytwinsmom 25
Was he charged with drunk and disorderly or DUI?
ragnarok1540 39
I can just imagine the OP saying something along the lines of "As you can see, your honor, my client is an upstanding citizen who would never drink in public or act in a disorderly manner ..." following which the client would shout "What did you say?!?" before stumbling up to the judge and throwing up before passing out ...
mswim 27
Quick, use the Chewbacca defense! Never fails.