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By Bathroom Problems - 02/01/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 742

You deserved it 3 941

By AnonymousAmber - 31/10/2014 23:10 - United States - Yadkinville

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 190

You deserved it 2 876

By JD300 - 22/12/2009 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 051

You deserved it 3 943

Get Lucky, sound of the summer

By ashamed - 25/11/2015 15:50 - United States - Buffalo

Spicy

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 259

You deserved it 2 420

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 13:17 - United States - Gadsden

Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 655

You deserved it 2 815

Cut you out of my heart

By Konstantine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 362

You deserved it 3 654

By Anonymous - 04/09/2009 23:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 267

You deserved it 2 479

By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/04/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 4 203

By ohno - 17/03/2015 20:35 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 509

You deserved it 2 624

By DravensMommy - 06/08/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 574

You deserved it 3 016

LET ME OUT

By jynxisadouchebag - 27/02/2015 00:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was doing laundry, and decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 457

You deserved it 5 863

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 238

You deserved it 2 581

Check this out

By :,< - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 705

You deserved it 2 691

By FamilyLoving - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 142

You deserved it 3 835

By ByronJess - 21/08/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I came home to find that the entire ceiling in the kitchen of my apartment had caved in due to an extremely leaky water pipe. The same water pipe maintenance said they had fixed three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 1 511

ByronJess tells us more.

ByronJess 17

Tuesday 21 August 2012 16:50

Thank you, DocBastard. Also, I'm not one of those crazy Americans portrayed on television who feels the need to sue for everything. First off, maintenance is admitting the fixed something wrong. Second, I've made some pretty big mistakes in my life too. Third, I'd rather not put the apartment complex whet I live in any financial turmoil, I like it here and I need a place to live.

Lesson learned

By Anonymous - 27/07/2013 17:51 - Finland

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 106

You deserved it 8 784

By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 008

You deserved it 4 146

By KO - 12/10/2014 16:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 871

You deserved it 4 392

By Anonymous - 01/07/2014 04:26 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, after losing his job, I reassured my boyfriend by telling him I'd rather be with him living in a cardboard box than to be without him. He responded by telling me he'd rather be dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 433

You deserved it 6 107

Too good to be true

By KingUrge - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Victorville

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party. Obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 725

You deserved it 9 797

By supergingerr11 - 09/07/2011 05:55 - United States

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 588

You deserved it 3 072

By Telemarket - 04/04/2012 10:58 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by a call from "the Nuisance Call Prevention Registry". The lady on the telephone didn't see the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 2 248

Treasure

By AddictiveAddicted - 29/06/2015 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 170

You deserved it 31 903

Mad lad

By its still broken - 11/06/2015 00:13 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 706

You deserved it 1 987

By Around - 23/05/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 143

You deserved it 14 123

By neta_1996 - 03/01/2014 02:06 - United States - Mabelvale

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 257

You deserved it 3 984

By noneoftheabove - 28/01/2009 05:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 555

You deserved it 3 028

Freudian

By billjoebob424 - 10/03/2016 00:01 - Canada

Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 7 476

By SeriouslyDad - 22/09/2013 13:57 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 221

You deserved it 3 530

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 15:23 - Australia

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 425

You deserved it 8 508

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Today, to avoid a massive delay on our scheduled flight at the airport, we were generously moved to an earlier flight home. An hour later, our new flight had been cancelled and they told us we'd be stuck at the airport overnight. Our original flight took off fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 303

You deserved it 3 730

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 9 215

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 293

You deserved it 3 853

Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 108

Today, my wife has a drinking problem. She's stopped drinking liquor but still drinks beer, and even though I work and make great money, we are always scraping by. I’m at the point of leaving but we have an almost three year-old and one year-old and I feel like I’m going to get screwed in divorce court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 111

Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 121