Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML
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Top comments
UrYousername 15
At least you're wanted! Some of us can't say the same.
JasonUMN 15
Just be glad you weren't carrying Skittles on you.
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Comments (71)
UrYousername 15
At least you're wanted! Some of us can't say the same.
jillytc 23
I rather be unwanted than wanted for a bad reason (;
Bobby100 14
Op didn't choose the thug life. The thug life chose him
euphoricness 28
I don't hate you cuz you're fat, you're fat cuz I hate you
Sports_guy3 28
Change clothes much?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm confused as to why you're asking if OP "changes clothes much". Are you insinuating that OP doesn't have clean clothes to change into? Or are you "asking" why OP didn't change his clothes right away? Actually, to be completely honest I don't care why you said it or what you meant by it. It's just a stupid ******* thing say. Comment much?
incoherentrmblr 22
Well, at least you weren't shot and killed by some crazy person "standing their ground..."
JasonUMN 15
Just be glad you weren't carrying Skittles on you.
Eahae3 12
OMG , I think this went over way to many peoples heads !
parism143 28
It's a joke.
TheCrispyCat 20
It was bound to happen
Sports_guy3 28
Would you rather lay low and be anonymous, or be high profile and dangerous?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Lay low and be anonymous. Because I smoke a metric ton of crack cocaine and I plan on being Toronto's next mayor. And we all know how his crack smoking went over..
jayceejaco 15
Or an Arizona
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
Looks like it's time to clean up your act OP. ;)
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I read that as "Thug Life" stranger initially. That would have been way more awesome.
Gingerette 8
So much gangsta it screws with your eyes. Op should have been arrested on sight just for general thugginess.
BrookieAnn 19
Gosh you thug.
lysx84 24
So email back and explain who you are. Oh, and don't be so thug like.
inkdeath87 18
Don't look like a thug, geez, it's that easy.
SimplyBird 9
he didn't choose the thug life... the thug life chose him.
TheCrispyCat 20
7, you look like a thug
gingaa96 18
Weee woo... Wee woo.. Wee woo, wee woo, wee woo! Wee woo!!!!
EmmaMK 35
Thank them for the warning, mention than you are walking back home at the moment and you will keep an eye out. Slip in what you are wearing.
magiczebra 9
THE MANIACS IN THE MAILBOX
KingRay 3
I know im not the only that thought of the Spongebob episode after reading 39's comment.
purebliss_fml 19
At least you're not in any danger if you are the danger.
magiczebra 9
Shut up shut up SHUT UP
purebliss_fml 19
qué?