Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at 4 a.m., my back sore from being twisted like a pretzel due to my toddler. I successfully moved him, then my sick baby woke up, tried to nurse, screamed because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, screamed because I suctioned his nose, tried to nurse a blanket, then screamed when I offered him an actual boob. FML
Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML
Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML
Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML
Today, while breast feeding my 7 month-old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
That screaming was actually your daughter after your baby latched on. I hear that hurts.
Ace132 20
You know the saying kids grow fast?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
Ace132 20
You know the saying kids grow fast?
Ashamed_Sister 60
Not really an FML. I think it's somehow sweet: A little girl taking care of her baby brother.
Roskosity 22
Boobs don't. Not when you're five years old.
FaygoAndMiracles 18
@53: Pretty sure that 1 was joking.
Glitter_taco_ 10
Like mother like daughter!
MrSarcasmic 10
babies trying to have babies, better have MTV on speedial
DocBastard 40
That screaming was actually your daughter after your baby latched on. I hear that hurts.
ApollosMyth 22
I bet. It's like a hardcore nipple twist.. Sounds painful.
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
It does hurt, actually. Not enough to make you scream though.
br1015 13
kids grow up so fast now and days
br1015 13
I lost to number #1 by a minute
vcapelo 19
At least you know she'll take care of her brother!
doodlecloud 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow...kinda creepy but also quite cute but also a bit worrying...I mean, was she holding him? I wouldn't feel comfortable with a 5 year old being able to go in and hold a newborn baby unsupervised. Even if she wasn't holding him she could still hurt him without meaning to... Maybe have baby in with you instead? A newborn doesn't really need his own room.
Ghosto 16
Actually it's perfectly fine for a newborn to have their own room.
Welshite 40
Okay, maybe it's because I haven't slept for a day and not eaten for two, but that comment was extremely difficult to follow.
DocBastard 40
Ah, spoken like someone who doesn't have children. My kids have always sleep in their own rooms after they were about 2 weeks old. They have to learn how to feel safe and secure away from their parents, and kids who sleep in their parents' room (or worse, in their beds) tend to be much more insecure. Nothing this little girl did is creepy or out of the ordinary in any way. In fact, it's really rather adorable. I would have gotten my camera and taken pictures and video. That stuff is priceless.
OneNightStander 6
Mr. Doc. I think you meant *slept
maosquare 18
These photos will come in handy twenty years later at every family gathering. Trust me; I have first hand experience.
AshaaFerreira 22
This was really adorable. I changed my cousins diapers when I was five ( yes my family took pictures they thought it was super cute!) I noticed she was stinky when I was laying in my moms bed playing with her (my aunt was in the room) so I starting getting a diaper and baby powder. My aunt didn't say anything because she wanted to see what I was doing, once she saw that I was changing my cousins diaper properly she grabbed a camera and my mom and took pictures lol.
DocBastard 40
Yes indeed. *slept Speaking of sleeping...
doodlecloud 27
Eh, maybe I went a bit overboard but I work with children so I'm on constant risk assessment. Anyways, I'm not suggesting that they stay with their parents till they can't sleep away from them, I'd just prefer to be close in the first months at least. I also see a lot of parents stressing about baby rooms and spending a lot of money when they don't need to which can be upsetting. Also, I personally find it a little weird when little kids do grown up stuff but that doesn't make it bad - I did say it was cute as well.
ComoEsJuan 24
Disregard this comment, I ****** up...
DocBastard 40
Doodlecloud - Pretending to breast feed a baby is the most normal thing in the world for a little girl, and even more so for a big sister. Girls do it with dolls all the time.
happylawyer 16
#41 Oh! You should know by now that The Doc is like the Chuck Norris of FML. He can do as he wants. It was not a mistake. (Ah, and if it was a mistake, it was not the only one.)
JadeWinter 16
That's adorable. Poor baby bro haha. At least his sis loves him :P
jnanderson 16
I was thinking the same thing. Might be a bit scary at first, but after a second it's adorable
7yzzFML 17
"Wincest is best, put your sister to the test! Its a game the whole family can play!"
maz95 17
Well at least you know that she'll be willing to go to the extremes for her baby brother.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well at least that shows that she is caring for a brother :) #6 That shows how much you know about babies. If you want any sleep at all, the best is to have a room for the baby. And it's not creepy, her daughter clearly was imitating her mother breastfeeding, the same as when little girls rob their mummy's make up and high heels.
monnanon 14
that is actually really sweet. she is rrying her best to help out and if she has only seen him being breastfed then why wouldnt she try it. be careful how you handle this one op you dont want your daughter to get the impressoon that it is wrong to breastfeed. it needs one of those not until you are older and have a baby of your own explanations. maybe expressing milk so she can bottlefeed her brother will help. she may feel a little left out.
stargirl_95 24
That's so adorable. She's probably used to seeing you do that whenever the baby is crying and so she was trying to imitate you. If I were you then I would sit her down and explain that when she hears the baby crying she should rather just come and call you.
crazytwinsmom 25
OP is the dad, not the mom.