Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform her, I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML
Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML
Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
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Top comments
heyhihello95 12
This one. So there were others?
Zebediabolical 45
"I didn't try to chloroform THIS ONE" You should get together with the guy who wants anal. You will probably be pretty good friends.
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Comments (71)
Bibblejomin 18
Wow, you should be a comedian!
heyhihello95 12
This one. So there were others?
hushhh 4
That's what I was thinking.
vsus98 22
That's what I was thinking.
TommyG493 11
That's what they were thinking
MrDonSalvetti 27
That's what he wanted them to think
Hoopachi 19
That's what the government wants you all to think
jessi_sunshine 26
That's what society wants you to think.
False_Stupidity 42
That's what he said...
Badkarma4u 17
That's what SHE said.
killer6969 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's what illuminati said.
HeWhoIsNameless 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Excuse me. I'm in the Illuminati and No, it isn't.
LOLouis_fml 24
That's what i've been trying to say...
Bono363 11
That's what FML want you all to say.
iAmDictionary 13
That's what Big Brother wants you to think.
ubeenbagged 6
What would Jesus say?
AshesNicole623 17
What would Jesus think?
joeyl1990 28
What would Jesus do?
llamarrama01 21
Don't feel sad, you took her breath away!
Zebediabolical 45
"I didn't try to chloroform THIS ONE" You should get together with the guy who wants anal. You will probably be pretty good friends.
MrSassypants 34
"Good friends and a threat to society." They should get that on matching t-shirts.
Zebediabolical 45
With any luck they will chloroform and molest each other. Like would happen in any good bromance movie.
tarlax 11
"Molest" each other? Wtf? Good first comment, terrible rape-y second one. If you think molestation's funny, you probably think Freddy Got Fingered is the best movie ever.
Zebediabolical 45
Anything is funny. In context.
MrConcise 35
No limits in comedy, don't even defend yourself. Hell, even your profile picture is rapeish. They should expect this extreme style of humor from you.
MELKOZAR 27
This is the best comment I have ever read.
Shieldsam 15
That's it, we've officially gone meta
worldclassrager 41
Practice makes perfect...if you stayed at her side she knows you care...keep trying OP you'll get one soon
alain4343 26
how the **** did u make her laugh so she can have an asthma attack
okokalright 15
It's really easy actually. Have you ever had a moment where you laugh so hard you can't breathe?
ionab101 21
I have asthma and it's actually super easy, I get to the point of wheezing nearly every time I laugh
mimi_animee 18
Pretty easily actually. I once gave my younger brother an asthma attack from tickling him. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to touch him for a while after..
ukeandfoodislife 19
The emphasis on "this one". On the other hand, I don't think it was cool for her to openly laugh at you. That was rather rude and I think she could have concealed her laughter until you walked away, to be courteous.
LeBandit 20
this is when one would need smoke bombs...when the date is going poorly just HIIIYA smoke bomb whooosh and disappear
attaboyyy11 11
**** ya
Silly_Lilly6969 23
This one? 0.o it's bad manners to chloroform anybody sir
Dreamsorrow93 24
Unless you are a biochem student.
WOTAN1488 24
Lol try the internet, or being normal in your approach