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By lamb-chop - 02/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 2 479

By Anon - 09/02/2016 12:39 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 727

You deserved it 1 504

By Upset Mommy - 14/07/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 984

You deserved it 3 708

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 12:11 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend told me that if he was to break up with me, he would do it in a crowded location so I couldn't start to cry or make a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 215

You deserved it 5 053

By anonymous - 16/10/2010 15:18 - Canada

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 4 316

Bad start

By Anonymous - 04/08/2014 23:04 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 302

You deserved it 9 198

By oops1234 - 16/04/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 526

You deserved it 17 468

By Username - 07/07/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at 3 o'clock. I allowed thirty minutes for the drive, but when I put my key in the ignition, the car wouldn't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 4 454

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

By Jesska - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 765

You deserved it 7 246

By ohdear. - 29/03/2014 23:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 013

You deserved it 4 758

By Needasafe1234 - 25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 042

You deserved it 46 833

SEXY!

By Anonymous - 20/03/2014 02:43 - United States - Canyon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 270

You deserved it 6 998

By Disappointed - 19/02/2014 21:33 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 010

You deserved it 3 429

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 599

You deserved it 43 648

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 574

You deserved it 10 208

By cheshirealyce - 05/03/2015 17:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 2 824

It's not what you think

By failure - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 245

You deserved it 16 026

By Olive - 19/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 338

You deserved it 40 781

Doodle

By Busted - 12/01/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 42 979

Shush

By Nutty - 24/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 259

You deserved it 12 552

By ohshat - 22/12/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss, talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment, so I said, "G2G, love you" accidentally. Not only did he say it back, but he also requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 017

You deserved it 13 022

By ToiletTroubles - 03/07/2013 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 146

You deserved it 3 137

By sydspears3 - 09/09/2014 18:08 - United States - Tampa

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 881

You deserved it 6 750

sydspears3 tells us more.

sydspears3 17

Wednesday 10 September 2014 0:42

To answers some questions and requests- 1) yes I did post one of the videos to my YouTube channel which I will provide a link to 2) Moms do not ruin life, they make it possible 3) In my moms defense I never told her take take my phone but I just thought she would have thought to when she saw me snapchating people 4) The I didn't give my mom my phone is because we didn't think they would effect me so much since they didn't really effect my 3 older siblings when they got their out. 5) Sorry for the long follow up but here's the link to video https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jaOEDYDInZ4 Or just search my YouTube channel Sydspears3

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 19:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 8 389

By bet a woman would've been thanked - 07/05/2013 20:21 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 150

You deserved it 3 120

By that violates the Geneva conventions - 05/08/2016 09:33 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 487

You deserved it 998

Subconscious

By doodler - 27/02/2014 11:59 - United States - Hurst

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 122

You deserved it 13 529

Pretty mean

By thatgirl247 - 11/09/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 5 222

By jigglepuff - 09/02/2014 17:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 6 781

By Kovu - 27/02/2012 07:08 - Reserved

Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 294

You deserved it 2 938

Kovu_fml tells us more.

Kovu_fml 16

Monday 27 February 2012 20:39

He wasn't in pain. He inhales everything he eats. He as thyroid issues so hes not allowed to eat alot so poor baby is always trying to steal food. :(

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Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 770

You deserved it 4 379

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "The lovely Meghan." I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 714

You deserved it 5 884

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 149

You deserved it 5 965

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 347

You deserved it 15 935

Today, despite my muscles being just fine, my genetic collagen deformity has caused insane amounts of pain over things like 'walking' or 'sweeping the floor'. I used to be able to hike up mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 93

Today, I spent way too long baby-talking my neighbor’s dog through the fence, calling him "the cutest, sweetest baby." It turned out that my neighbor was sitting on the other side of the fence the entire time, out of view, quietly giggling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 423