Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML
Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML
Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML
Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML
Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML
Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
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Top comments
starvingxartist 0
"Any job I ever had in my life, I talked to that guy...You know why I talk to that guy? Cause when that day comes, when he snaps, and he comes into work with a sawn-off shotgun, walking through the halls and he finally gets to my office he's gonna be like........'thanks for the candy.'" Just sayin'.
TheKitsune 0
I think it's important to reference Dane Cook here. "Thanks for the candy."
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Comments (75)
nosparklezone 0
first! sorry that sucks.
too_much_fun 0
Way to go, captain obvious. If it didnt suck, it wouldnt be an FML.
corbincorbin 0
well it can be an fml and not suck smart one seriously read some other ones
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...i ran on whiskey and burned like gas, i went too far, i went too fast i’d light a fire, just to walk right through it busted bones, dreams and tears, tattoo my heart like souvenirs life is just a word till you go through it, i’ve got the scars to prove it i lost good friends over foolish pride, drank with the devil just to feel alive i’d build a mountain, then i'd try to move it yeah and i thought that i was pretty tough, till i was brought down by a woman’s touch i got the scars to prove it ..."
Starchild21 3
Dude you're awesome! lol and you have too much free time :P _________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
UGFTW 0
Road Hammers? And nice username....I just love how it corresponds with your post
ohmyword08 0
weelll, no wonder.
zee209 0
I've had weirder co-workers.
redbluegreen 41
): I'll share my Spaghetti-O's?'
TheKitsune 0
I think it's important to reference Dane Cook here. "Thanks for the candy."
nokillnobeepbeep 0
^^
GR3453m0nk3y 4
hahahaha you just made my morning congratulations
waterynuggets 0
I think his life is ******, not yours sry2say.
greenltrn2003 0
^nice
starvingxartist 0
"Any job I ever had in my life, I talked to that guy...You know why I talk to that guy? Cause when that day comes, when he snaps, and he comes into work with a sawn-off shotgun, walking through the halls and he finally gets to my office he's gonna be like........'thanks for the candy.'" Just sayin'.
TheKitsune 0
Hey, #7 here. I just referenced that. Thanks for paying attention.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Cant you see the artist is starving for attention? stolen or not
waterynuggets 0
That shit wasn't funny either way
ireply_w_lyrics 0
evidently watery nuggets has never watched or at least heard Dane Cook. If he has and still doesnt like it, well, then watery nuggets is a wienie
waterynuggets 0
Yes, I've seen the greasy frat boy's delight and I prefer stuff that's, y'know, actually comedy. I'm also not a "he" lulz
starvingxartist 0
no kidding, i was busy writing it while you posted it. thanks for being a dick. and #15, who the **** are you? and what does that have to do with anything?
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Pssssh. that's what you think. (sorry)
ireply_w_lyrics 0
At starvingxartist- i took the comment from your name....... artist starving..... starvingxartist
starvingxartist 0
yeah, thanks for explaining that one. because it was completely original and i couldn't figure that one out. the point it the completely random connection between my username and wanting attention.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
.... you really need me to explain that? you wanted to get the attention that everyone gives/ will give #7, so you copied him :P though you explained that you wrote at the same time, so srry
Harr 0
Now now, no need to fight girls.
DameGreyWulf 1
Watery, obviously you are just completely uncool for not running with the rest of the sheep! Stupid, don't you know the dogs will get you? [cough]
waterynuggets 0
Dame, mwhahahahaa
starryskyhearts 0
I looked this up to see what it meant - and found youtube videos. I'm a bit nauseus now... FYL and now FML for being curious... Blegh!