Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Bad moon rising
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Baywatch
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
Honest mistake
Today, I mistook a coworker’s laughter for choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on them in the break room. They weren’t choking, but now they’re afraid to laugh near me. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
STOP!
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
Top comments
Queensland 27
Lucky he's near water, cuz he sounds thirsty as ****.
Migillope 10
That's just awkward.
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Comments (75)
3molliver3 16
I would take a step forward and push him into the pool!
jerryj 27
Lifeguard instructor license revoked!
XanderLance 19
no no I like this idea :')
CoGhostRider 31
Apparently you do not have a gag reflex because this clearly went over your head.
KitchKraft 21
No they don't need a gag reflex for high this went over their head...
jake238 9
That makes no sense but good try
Migillope 10
That's just awkward.
music_is_life22 12
He was probably a pre-puberty 13 year old too XD
littlekellilee 45
Depending on the class, if it were a life saving class, they'd have to be at least 14. If it's a life guarding class, they have to be at least 16.
marleypuckpuck 22
that kid should get his mind out of the gutter! lol
coolsoccer1234 14
Or get the gutter out of his mind.
LennyComa 39
If only you said "In your case yes because your bullshit isn't any use in that situation"
darwinism 30
Make them act out this choking scenario. That should teach him. FYL.
sayyestothedress 24
And the kid should be the one choking!
briang959 47
When are you going out with him?
MrSassypants 34
Let's see. Well, today's October 22nd and OP's schedule is pretty much open so.... never.
mylifebitches666 18
You can't expect everyone to know CPR. either way they should at least let you know.
ShadowlessSpear 21
The teen most likely knew what to do. But he saw his chance at a joke and he swung.
RBW_Slave 9
CPR is for a stopped heart. It is not used when someone is just choking.
sirliam99 12
That's a commonmisconpection #27, CPR is actually used to pump blood to the heart and brain and is mostly used for cardiac arrest, RARELY will it restart the heart.
shanebob 15
Thank you #32. That's what an AED is for.
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
They didn't say anything about restarting the heart, only that CPR is used in the case of a stopped heart. No need to be so critical.
junkman6 22
#32 you basically just said that yes CPR is for a stopped heart. Because it manually pumps the blood when your heart can't. So umm here's your sign? Quiz question! Why do you force air into their lungs during CPR?
fabs1171 23
#51 its OK to do compressions only CPR now unless you're in a hospital type environment. Its better to do adequate compressions without stopping for breaths as the circulating blood already has oxygen in it. Also, as you do the compressions they think that some air will get into the lungs with the pressure differences in the lungs and environment. Lastly, the rescue breaths use our expired air - very minimal oxygen in it. Remember, if the collapsed person doesn't respond, commence compressions, DRS ABCD, apply the AED around the person doing compressions. There's only about 3 minutes after a person has collapsed before their brain is effected.
junkman6 22
Actually no #52 it is not minimal oxygen at all. Go ahead and look it up. You can recycle a single lungful of air 3-4 times before it is considered "bad air." There have been many many studies on this. The reason hospitals use a hand pump over breathing into the lungs is half hygiene and half precise volume of air. I've been around the medical profession for a long time and I've always seen the back and forth that is CPR certification. Some years it's no breath other years it's more breath than compressions. You want proof of this go ahead and talk to a nurse who is just about to get her CPR cert requaled and a nurse who just finished requaling, it's kinda funny to see how different the procedure is just a couple years apart. Also ask an older nurse how many times the "proper procedure" has changed. It's always chasing it's own tail.
fabs1171 23
#53 - I have 20 years experience in the medical profession - 13 in emergency rooms, I am basic life support accredited as well as advanced life support accredited. Yes you are correct that hospitals use equipment for oxygen administration but for a layperson, if they don't want to perform rescue breaths on a random person on the street due to risk of infection, if they provide adequate compressions then the 'victim' has a better chance of survival than if they did nothing. All of the major heart councils (including the American Heart Association, the Australian Resuscitation Council and the British Heart Foundation) are moving away from bystander rescue breaths and encouraging compression only CPR to improve chances of success following cardiac arrest. The point I'm trying to make is, hands only CPR is something everyone should learn so they can confidently commence CPR on a collapsed victim - the sooner the better - and pausing to provide rescue breaths actually detracts from effective compressions that circulate the already oxygenated blood. (Its been oxygenated due to breathing pre-arrest)
fabs1171 23
#33 I must clear up some misconceptions. An AED can't restart a stopped heart. The heart pumps because of an electrical impulse that starts at the top of the heart and works its way down. When the impulse starts where its meant to start and travels in the way its meant to travel we get a nice, normal heart beat. If the impulse isn't doing what its meant to do we get an abnormal heart beat. It can be too fast or too slow, it can start lower than where its meant to be etc. There are only 2 abnormal rhythms that can be shocked (defibrillated) - VT and VF. These rhythms mean that there's not adequate pumping from the heart. (Other rhythms also mean there's not an adequate circulation too but VT and VF can be shocked) The defibrillator stops all the impulses to hopefully allow the impulse from the top of the heart to take over again. An AED won't shock a flat line. TV shows have a lot to answer for when they show that. What is important - commence chest compressions as soon as possible - don't wait for an AED to arrive before commencing compressions - once it has arrived - follow the AED instructions regarding what to do next. Hopefully no one following this will need to perform CPR but its better to do something than nothing :-)
Queensland 27
Lucky he's near water, cuz he sounds thirsty as ****.
KitchKraft 21
Could not have been said better xD
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Emmamazing 26
Teenagers...
rx46590 3
excuse me sir, but I for one am a teenager and I have no intent in performing this sort of vulgar behavior and would greatly appreciate it if you would stop stereotyping us teens
Ihavegas 22
jail bait