Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I finally got my period. There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML
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Top comments
dcam13 19
and now we can't "un-hear" this either.. asshole.
Zebidee 9
Creepy to know that about your Mom (you know that WE can't un-read this, right?) However, I must say, if you ever get the chance to try one of those Japanese robot toilet seats, do it, do it, do it! It's hours of entertainment, especially if you can't understand the labels on the buttons, and have to guess what happens when you press one.
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Comments (74)
fuckanshit 0
firsties
InDenial 6
Not for long. You're lucky Anti-Flood Protection stopped me or else I would've been first. :P
fuckanshit 0
lol ur gay
xXSweetNightmare 0
Lol, what's the huge hype about being first..? Aha, to OP though, that just sucks.
InDenial 6
You spell like a retard. Such a shame.
Skroal_stomper 5
Hey 1. Not for long. You should be pulled very soon. Who cares that you got first????
whatchutalkinbou 0
"Such a shame" is an incomplete sentence.
InDenial 6
Haha unlucky for you.
elsnappypickle 0
eww lol I've never heard of those things before
Hgielad_720 0
YDI. :)
BelleElle_fml 0
You're a girl... she's a girl... How is your life f*cked now? This isn't any worse than talking to her about PMS...
Disastrous 0
blue waffle
MsBrainDamage 0
OP, now you know what to get your mom for her birthday! (next year) And you're a girl? That's not such a big deal as I thought before
KittehSayzRAWR 0
Agreed.
TJ10 0
What has been seen cannot be unseen
TheWhiteDemon 0
better than seeing ur moms hairy v
MissLizWolf 8
so true/: haha!
tookietookie123 5
More like seeing her hairy cat!
dcam13 19
and now we can't "un-hear" this either.. asshole.
Sportsfan86 3
thanks a lot asshole
KaleidoscopePope 0
dick!
nomweed 0
..awkward?
clivealmighty 0
OH NO what Is this, something down here smells like fish when's the last time you used a sink.. ooooo yo booty stink! I hate to tell ya but I don't wanna smell ya.. oh miss thing you smell so funny won't you wash the coochie honey THE COOCHIE HONEY
Nyc__Princess 0
Lmao ! :D
Waffle817 0
thats ummmmm very awkward.... but your mom just wants to feel frisky
Illyssa_fml 4
does your mom scrub her vag with the toilet paper or something?? haha weird
Horde 8
You don't clean yourself after peeing? dirty panties weird :]
xCatch22x 1
Yes, but most women don't scrub at it furiously to the point that the toilet paper falls apart.
Horde 8
there are shitty toilet papers that fall apart at the slightest trace of moisture :( pain in the ass - almost literally - to get rid of it
HamsteronA 0
only in America...
iRyanJr 0
Atleast in American the women clean themselves.
iRyanJr 0
America* ******* iPhone..
mattman1994 0
I freaking LOVE America
heyyitshannah 0
ummm....this has fail written all over it.