Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML
Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML
Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML
Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch, they showed me on the jumbotron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML
Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "God told him to." What God didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML
Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML
bdk_2020 tells us more.
bdk_2020 0
Ok. I've tried explaining why I did what I did, but I'm still getting the death threats and a lot of the word '****' being used to show your disdain. I would like to tell you what really happened, not because I want you on my side or I'm trying to defend what I did. I just want you to see that what happened was based on simple stupidity and not because I'm the spawn of satan. So here's you some of the stuff you've all assumed that I would like to put right: - 1. This man was not at all elderly. He must have been 45-50 years old. You don't have to be elderly to have Parkinson's Disease. See Michael J. Fox for proof of that. 2. I offered to pack for him before he started struggling himself. He was alone, so I felt I should help him. He declined. That's why I thought he could do it himself. 3. I had no idea he was suffering from arthritis or Parkinson's Disease. I'd never met him before. He was struggling to open the bags, like myself and most people do, and so I made the very stupid comment based on that. 4. No, I didn't notice the shaking associated with Parkinson's Disease. I know that people think Cashier's are all idiots, wasters and the job is really easy, but you do have to focus on the screen in front of you to check the identity and the price of the item is correct. Therefore, I was barely focusing on his movements or his mannerisms. I was just doing what I'm paid to do. 5. As soon as he told me what was wrong, and I then focused on him properly, I then noticed he had a mild tremor in his hands. 6. I immediately apologised for what I said, feeling terrible. I then opened all the bags for him and offered to pack. He declined because, like you, he thought I had made fun of him because of his disability. I tried to explain, but he didn't want to hear. 7. If I knew he was struggling because he had a medical reason for not being able to open the bags, I would never had said it and would have made him let me pack. I would hate it if I saw someone who clearly had a disability not being able to do something and I'm just standing there ignoring it - That IS evil. 8. He left angry and hurt. I was left feeling horrible and guilty for being so stupid. 9. I wanted to post the FML not to get sympathy. As I said, I felt terrbile for upsetting him, and I just wanted to get it off my chest. I wanted to show people how much of an ass I'd been that day. 10. FML is all about bad things that have happened to you or that you have done. I felt that my stupidity for saying that to a man I didn't know was an FML moment. In retrospect, I realise that the way I worded the FML sounds like I was being cruel. I can understand why you are all upset. But to say I deserve to die or have all this offensive language thrown in my direction was ok? You know nothing about me. To assume that I always behave like this, that I'm this evil, vindictive bastard, based on one stupid comment... Well, I really don't know. Furthermore, why would I post this as an FML moment if I enjoy being horrible to people? It's because I hate myself for being so stupid that I posted this. Again, I really am sorry if I offended anyone. The last thing I wanted was all of this, so I just hope this post will clears it all up.
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML
Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML
Purplexus tells us more.
Purplexus 14
Yes, this was my FML. Yeah, my dad is an awesome professor. Does anyone have any questions haha
Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML
Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML
Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML
Today, after getting home from school, I realized I'd tucked my shirt into my underwear this morning. I'm fairly certain everyone got a good look at my lime green underwear. FML
Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML
Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full-time job at one work place would be too "depressing." I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML
Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
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