Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Quickshot
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Bad start
Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
Tiny Tim
Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Lost
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML
Nope
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Top comments
Kobwebs 19
If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms, he's definitely not ready for sex.
Wersome 13
Sorry Op but if either of you are too embarrassed to buy condoms then you are not ready for sex.
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Comments (177)
ShleeG 23
that's so hot
MrsDruidess 23
thats moronic. Dump him OP. Dont ever sleep with someone so stupid. Murphys law says thats the one you'll break a condom with and end up with this moron as the father of your kids! Whats worse is hes probably to dumb to put the condom on correctly, ensuring the breakage
meli1195 31
idk if you're being serious, but if you are, chill. not all people are experts with sex and it can be really confusing and embarrassing if it's your first time. thus leading to stupid suggestions like OPs bf's, but it's nothing to get dumped over.
MrPotatoFace 9
#57 Don't bother, #54 is retarded himself.
Metalslipp 15
58, don't stoop so low as to call someone retarded.
oiler 21
Im sorry, but what the hell is on your cookie?
ThrottleJockey 36
Giggity.
ShleeG 23
#96 cookie bukaki.... bucookie if you will.
navie4444 9
A great substitute!
Kobwebs 19
If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms, he's definitely not ready for sex.
jerbear91 18
right?!
MalekiMaker99 22
To be fair, it is pretty akward when the creepy cashier at the convient store starts making lame jokes
FrankAnne 13
Exactly what I was thinking.
skippydoda 32
Even with the lame jokes, if you can't buy the condoms you aren't ready for sex.
leogachi 15
@23 So tell the cashier to shut the **** up.
PANDORUM89 21
or use self check out...
LoneAlaskan 17
When the cashier is making jokes go "Yeah you may be funny but I'm getting laid".
ChadHelton 8
#32" "and *I'm* not getting fired, can I talk to your manager?"
skippydoda 32
I also think people forget that you can buy condoms online and it comes in discreet packaging
Wersome 13
Sorry Op but if either of you are too embarrassed to buy condoms then you are not ready for sex.
StiffPvtParts 43
What if you have social anxiety? Some people who suffer from social anxiety disorder are often times unable to do the most basic of everyday things. I know it might seem trivial to almost everyone here, but my crippling social anxiety prevents me from being able to do a lot of things that involve even minimal social interaction, and I am not the only one with this problem... In fact, there are people who have it far worse than I do. Does that mean I, as well as others with severe social anxiety might never be ready to experience intimacy with another human being, and that we are destined to live the rest of our lifes alone? (I apologise for any spelling errors, English is not my native language.)
StiffPvtParts 43
P.S I'm not defending OP's boyfriend. If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms from a cashier, perhaps he should use one of those self-checkout machines? I always use those when I do my shopping. :c
StiffPvtParts 43
And yes, if he thinks a sandwich bag is a good substitute for a condom, he probably shouldn't be having sex...
anonymuse_fml 31
#69 - post by #4 says "too embarrassed to buy..." Social anxiety wouldn't fall into this category so don't take it so personal.
chosha_fml 27
#69 Having crippling social anxiety is clearly not the kind of immaturity people are referring to. The fact that some people have that doesn't change the point being made.
sillygirl247 14
You know what **** you. I have extreme social anxiety for a reason. I literally am doomed to say every thought out loud against my will for the rest of my natural life. The cause is brain damage. I will never know a secret or a private thought. But I still get up and do shit that needs to be done. I suck it up and get over myself instead of using it as a bullshit excuse. If I can do it, every single person on this planet can. Get over yourself. People aren't even paying attention to you, they Dont notice your anxious. Live your life without giving a single **** about what others think. Grow up.
bandaidstations 28
Yeah but you aren't everyone else 112. It's unfair to think everyone should just get over it because you manage to deal with anxiety successfully. It has nothing to do with "growing up" Everyone's situation is different and you have my respect for overcoming the obstacles you have. However, that does not give you the right to berate others who may be in similar situations.
kuzzy00 22
You're so wrong. He's absolutely right. I have anxiety and it was only until I drank some concrete and hardened the **** up did I learn powerful ways to deal with my anxiety. I would faint waiting in line for a train ticket or at dentists, I would panic about sexual performance, I would bite my nails furiously upon upcoming exams, I would smoke endlessly. I got to the stage - enough was enough. I would do other things that would not only benefit myself, but reduce anxiety too: buying my train tickets online saving time and effort, I'd visit dentists for checkups every week and eventually I've had 2 fillings with no anaesthetic. I started using humour more and that side tracked my sexual anxiety, and my partner is hugely supportive of me. I file my nails now which prevents the desire to bite. I quit smoking and had teeth whitened - made me feel more attractive.
I_own_a_dog 11
There mayo be a problem with his confidence.
Lalala579121 28
Come on FML community, it's time to go ham with these puns.
Crazynocatlady 22
He may be too chicken to go through with it.
Eyeslick 33
Hmm.... sounds like you guys are in a pickle ...
ShyVi 18
That sounds like a cheesy situation.
andrmac 25
I think he needs to grow a pair and pack his meat in the proper sandwich bag before putting it in the sub roll.
olpally 33
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool... Please don't have sex with him if that's what he suggests. The stupid is too real.
WinterChild 20
That's just a ploy to get you to make him a sandwich.
amileah13 26
Most girls losing their virginity is somewhat painful when not properly lubricated and it would most likely still hurt. Using a sandwich bag is going to make it so much worse. Better to wait than deal with the awful pain of losing your v card while using a sandwich bag.
leogachi 15
@8 The only reason it hurts is because you think it's going to hurt. If you're prepared for pain, you're tense and not in the right mindset for your body to prepare for sex.
MonstreBelle 29
Not to mention how easily a ****** can get scraped up and cause infections. Sandwich bags aren't exactly soft, especially in places where they crease. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. OP, love your ****** and get some condoms!
MegasaurusRex89 28
Not to mention that sandwich bags aren't exactly as fail proof as condoms. And #45, that isn't necessarily true. There are a lot of reasons it could hurt, especially on the first time.
PANDORUM89 21
depending upon the age of the girl she has probably already 'experimented' with objects/toys herself. With technology the way it is today, assuming every virgin hasn't enjoyed themselves is a bit outdated. That being said the first time wouldn't hurt just because it's the first time, it could be too big, no lubrication, wrong position, etc. Honestly if she is properly prepared and care is taken there shouldn't be anything but minor discomfort at the odd sensation.
Mauskau 36
My first time didn't hurt, but I also couldn't feel anything at all. It was the most useless thing I've ever done. It wasn't until I was with someone else who was slightly bigger that it hurt. I'll admit I used some stuff around a similar size to the first guy when on my own. But lube can make the difference between it hurting and not being able to feel much, especially when you use too much lube. Sandwich bags crinkle as well, there is no way I could take someone seriously if they offered to use a sandwich bag. It's also free to get condoms here in the UK if you just go to a clinic, they always offer them.
Crazynocatlady 22
Dafuq you on about?! ^^
ShyVi 18
#45, do you have a ******? Do you know what's going to hurt it and what's not? I didn't think so.
9a_1z 12
I don't think 45 is too far off, despite trying to sound like an authority on what all girl's vaginas do (I wouldn't claim to be that either, and I have one). There are definitely steps you can take to make sure it doesn't hurt so much; make sure everyone is calm and comfortable, properly lubricated, taking it at the right pace etc. etc. Really I think it's less useful saying it's normal for it to hurt because that absolves the girl's partner of all responsibility for making sure it doesn't.
amileah13 26
Girls have different first time experiences but it depends on size and girth of penis and the hymen if it's going to hurt as badly. I've heard of girls whose hymens were really bad and that they cried their first time even with large amounts of lubricant. It can hurt for anyone not saying everyone
DoomedGemini 38
I like that people are talking about lubricant here as well. My school didn't have the best sex education and when I was younger I was oblivious that makes and females should use lubricant as well. Some things that probably seem common knowledge really isn't.
oj101 33
He should buy his condoms via a self scan machine. No embarrassment involved. Or order them online in bulk for the future.
smbhkr55 8
very childishly cute. ....what age u both r?
NORCO4LIFE 3
Too young for you is my guess.