Anonymous
Zagreb, Croatia
Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Anonymous
El Paso, United States
Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML
eggonmiface
No yolk
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Bad at adulting
Preppers, man
Today, I attempted meal prepping to “get my life together.” Within an hour I'd burned rice, melted a plastic spatula, and discovered I’d seasoned chicken with powdered sugar instead of salt. My smoke alarm and my stomach filed complaints. FML
Anonymous
Great Malvern, United Kingdom
Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
shit flavored eggs
Breakfast time!
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Anonymous
There's no such thing as a coincidence
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Anonymous
Food ****
Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML
Top comments
oh_lordy_me 18
Are you a Sim?
ARISKomuniszt 24
The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...
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Comments (13)
oh_lordy_me 18
Are you a Sim?
arioch_fml 20
If he was a Sim, he probably would have died in the fire.
M. Rizki Hariz 2
cowwabunga
ariaoflife 8
That was my first thought, too!
ARISKomuniszt 24
The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...
Tripartita 45
1) Are the knives you own perpetually dull? 2) Do you find it difficult to use remotes while under a blanket? 3) Is everything monochrome? If you said yes to any of the above, you might be living in an informercial.
Glowworm56 27
Wow, this updated version of the "This is your brain on drugs." PSA is even more intense than the original!
Septembero 15
Eggcelent.
MmmPinkTacos 11
a good example of how eating healthy can get very expensive
Lobby_Bee 18
Eating healthy is not just about the food, you need the whole shebang. Redecorate your kitchen to look healthy. Healthy food, healthy kitchen.
newmummyof1 13
Clearly I've been cooking eggs wrong...
nightfall8705 33
Eh. You don't need a kitchen anyway. Being Breatharian is totally all the rage now. ?
Talented73 54
Egg-spenive breakfast!