Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML
Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML
Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML
Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML
Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML
Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML
Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML
Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML
Today, while delivering pizza I was yet again given $0.04 over the total bill and told condescendingly to "keep the change." This happens on every shift. My pay is reduced during deliveries, and I drive my own car, and use my own gas. For $0.04. FML
Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML
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Top comments
HopeeBB 8
Ohh the generosity in this world!
CarnivalCat 1
Well... back in her day I'm sure that was a fortune?
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Comments (248)
Ravens1001 0
First!
AnagenisisZagus 13
Are you serious? Go home, fool.
rallets 23
its a penny dude.. seriously?
wordnerd42 0
Sorry OP, FYL.
nyrangers1022 6
i remember gettin screwed on pizza delivery tips...but in the end it all balances out when u get a huge tip every now and then
jonathanhand 0
In Soviet Russia, pizza delivers you.
tpreston 0
ιτ φοράνε ψογκ
instnt1nfction 17
are you a surviving soviet?
urdirtyolduncle 15
They get so happy when they see that $1!
lilxsexii 4
jonathanhand, ray William johnson much?
rallets 23
thats joke been around longer than that douche
maz_irken 6
RWJ is awesome. That guy showed me that joke! 7:00AM wakin up in the morning gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs! gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal, seein everything the time is goin tickin on and on EVERYBODYS RUSSIAN!
YayorNay 8
RWJ is funny as Dane Cook... he isn't funny.
myfruitloop 0
at least she didn't pay in exact change, you got $.01 outa her, lucky man.
robbiboyo 0
rwj has his occasional funny joke, and Dane cook is ******* hilarious, but you have to take it in segments. I love dane cook but I couldn't watch him live. and rwj took that russian joke from an actual comedian that used to say it like 10 years ago.
iownyou777 0
rwj is a douche! Philly D all the way
hirsheybar 0
looks to me as if she just rained on your parade
Newboyz00185 0
Erm...... Why are we talking about comedians on FML?
crazycornn 0
The pecking order goes like this: Demitri Martin > everybody
krista2009 0
huh?
XxA7XKillerxX 1
He didn't start that... _ -.-
iownyou777 0
216 we all know that Mitch Hedberg is king
MyTwoCents_ 0
in soviet Russia gay is John.
MrBigMeat_fml 0
in soviet Russia, baby rapes you!!
HopeeBB 8
Ohh the generosity in this world!
Poopolicious 5
well after 100 deliveries u are 1$ richer...1$ can buy tons..... -sarcasm- cheer up, better luck with next deliveries
HopeeBB 8
$1 for 100 deliveries? That's a little shallow!
smurfsarwales 9
it actualy only a penny not a dollar -_-
luvppl 6
It's actually one penny per delivery, and $0.01 times 100 deliveries is $1.00, so they are right. Learn basic math, I mean, $0.01? Wow...
imaberry95 0
actually he gets 1 CENT. 20-19.99=.01=1 cent= not 1 dollar
imaberry95 0
jk! op needs a new job!
basketballpro 0
ur all ******* retarded he's saying if he made 100 deliveries he'd only make a dollar if everyone gave him a penny
eyez_lay_low1921 0
it doesnt matter it sucks either way.! & the old lady is still a bitch, i hope she chokes on the pizza and dies....
guyoholic 0
aye! that old lady is just being generous! she could have just have kept the penny -.-
YacL 15
72- I can't believe there are people out there that take death that lightly.
imbordsoimhere 0
well yah 1 cent but depending on where u live there could be taxes
Lumenoire 0
That's ludacris. 50 Cent would've been better.
Lumenoire 0
That's ludacris. 50 Cent would've been better.
guyoholic 0
well apperently there wasnt taxes because she gave him the penny? And generally tax is more than just a penny
urdirtyolduncle 15
Wow, 27, you're ******* dumb.
chelseaaababyyy 17
geez 72, crazy much ?
maz_irken 6
93- I see what you did there!
Aim4thebullseye 4
a penny saved is a penny earned amiright?
HopeeBB 8
how am I dumb? I was replying to previous comment! if you don't get it then maybe your the unintelligible one! Don't personally attack me!
BWill9014 4
27, you're being called dumb because your reply to the comment 18 made it seem like you were completely oblivious to the 18's sarcasm... even after they wrote "sarcasm" in their comment... whether you really didn't realize the sarcasm or not idk... but it seems that you didn't... oh and 41 is just retarded
dancerNsinger4li 0
dude really, thats somebody's grandma! get a life and grow up fool!!!
EliseAqua 0
41 you should know that 27 was correct. 1 delivery= 1 cent. 100 deliveries= 1 dollar. $0.01 x 100= $1.00 So $1 for 100 deliveries.
HopeeBB 8
No I got the sarcasm, hence my sarcasm to the reply! People just take thongs too seriously and way out of context sometimes!
flockz 20
i like thongs...
rioloveliz 0
image-the death god. comment-dont look at death that lightly. words of wisdom and irony
BWill9014 4
Yeah 187, I figured you were being sarcastic but I was just saying that it wasn't obvious enough for the majority of the fml community to get it
princessbits 17
187, Lots of women take thongs seriously, Even some men.
HopeeBB 8
got it! I'll be sure to be much more blatant with my sarcastic comments haha! (:
YacL 15
190- Well jeez, she's talking real life here. Ryuk is only a cartoon character, like someone said before me, that woman is someone's mom and someone else's grandma.
carmenm 6
you need some math lessons he doesn't have $1
HopeeBB 8
damn no one said he had a dollar! plain and simple we said if made 1 penny for ever delivery he had and he did 100 deliveries he would have $1...
luvppl 6
People really need to, oh, I don't know, THINK before they comment. To all those idiots that are arguing about the $1.00-100 deliveries thing: 1) use your brain, or whatever else is up there for you, 2) learn some basic math, and 3) read the comments that other people have already proven correct/incorrect, because commenting now makes you look twice as stupid. (P.S. Twice means double, so take your original stupidity, and multiply that by two.) Glad I could help and give you some advice!
levraea 0
yeah actually, 102 said that op had a dollar and im pretty sure everyone knows simple math, asshole, no need to spell it out, k? k.
NikkiFlysKites 8
She was somewhat generous. She could have asked for that penny back and caused OP to have to stand longer in the rain.
missIrene 6
old bitch. I'm not one to wish something bad upon another but hey karma loves to make it's rounds
motti 0
I usually give them a $100 bill and let them take a tip from that the best part is they never take a tip from that lol
RecklessJellyBea 7
She could've invited you in..
kendallhi 9
haha :)
peakcheer 2
that's what I was thinking^^
flockz 20
or she could of paid him in sexual favors if op is into that type of thing...
KARMAREBEL 0
U ARE LYING THROUGH UR TEETH OP..... SERIOUSLY DUDE IS THERE ANY PIZZA SHOP PATHETICALLY NEEDS THAT 9CENTS?
texanengineer 4
I hope her karma has been better through out her life, she's not gonna be around much longer lol
imbordsoimhere 0
karma sharma
101autie 0
To think i just ordered pizza in the middle of a huge thunder storm... Luckily we have an over hang blockin the rain from the front door!
CarnivalCat 1
Well... back in her day I'm sure that was a fortune?
Meloblood 0
haha nice one
GreenMaze 0
well you cant just pull a penny out of someones ass. just saying...
TylerzMB 0
haha, it adds up!
Aim4thebullseye 4
she's nice
mexicotoucher 7
ike, she could've paid 19.99 and said gtfo
mexicotoucher 7
*ikr
InfernoVivo 12
Lol 1 cent? FYL Though, I would be slightly insulted by that
daisyloo 7
She was being generous! Hahaha:)
Moota 9
I know! Then again, who would let a random pizza guy into their house? Even if you were buying the pizza.
YacL 15
I would, if it was raining as hard as OP described. She'd just be letting him inside in front of the door, it's not like he's making himself at home.
meggieh815 0
8-- your picture made my day. hahahahaha :)
22Marie22 0
How rude.
iownyou777 0
Really you'd be insulted? How different than everyone else's opinion. Thanks for sharing.
unluckydude100 7
FYL! What about tips?
MyDixiNormous 0
I'm pretty sure some local ladies around a street corner could give him some good tips on how to make money.