Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML
Today, the smoke alarm went off while I was in the shower. Fearing a house fire, I jumped out and ran out, wearing just a tiny towel that barely covered my modesty, only to realize that water was coming through the ceiling and on to the smoke alarm, via a leak in the shower tray. FML
Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML
Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML
Today, I could hear my parents having sex from the other end of my house. My mom set the stove on fire because she forgot she was cooking. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML
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Top comments
gigglingalways 6
I guess things got a little too hot and heavy
laden_swallow09 35
Doesn't matter, had sex?
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Comments (152)
gigglingalways 6
I guess things got a little too hot and heavy
Mr_Chow 5
that pretty "hot".... I'll see myself out...
boating_guy 33
I'm lmao trying to picture this
thiscrazything 1
OP's girlfriend is too hot for him to handle. Number one causes of kitchen fires…the cook being distracted by mind blowing shower sex.
idntwannaknow 3
That awkward moment every couple has at least once when someone says: "did you turn the stove off?" "I thought you did" "s$&t!!!!"
zyth 4
It's fake. OP is a fat virgin.
ilovedinosawers 17
Punny -_-
kill3rs 0
Should have used your cum!
laden_swallow09 35
Unless he has the testes of a horse, the average man ejaculates about a tablespoon's worth. Hardly enough to douse anything, let alone a raging kitchen fire.
TheFirstSamurai 18
He didn't finish, but he "came" to the rescue.
SkoomaKi 28
To bad he came up too "short".
MadisonLynn143 4
What a fail.^
torch433 1
lol
aserxxx1r 0
haha clean one low key sick.
FerdieJ 3
so #11, knowledge from the internet?, or firsthand knowledge?
laden_swallow09 35
It can't be both?
laden_swallow09 35
Doesn't matter, had sex?
mk58 31
No. Just no.
mk55kelly 0
Yes just yes
FirstTigerHobbes 13
Maybe, just maybe?
ShyAnn29 15
Perhaps, just perhaps
Trisha_aus 15
Enough is enough!
RBntM 10
Stop, just stop
GawdamitNappa 4
Why, just why? (Resisting urge to combo break)
sadistmonkey 19
Combo breaker combo.
MysticKnight 3
combo, just broke
cheaptrix 6
C-C-COMBO BREAKER (Not usually this guy, but the thread was getting old)
BrysGirl27 14
Hahahaha all of you guys just made my day:p
PrincessesCrown 17
To bad he didn't get to finish!
IStoleTheCookies 16
FirstTigerHobbes, I would like your comment, but I don't want to change the like number from 69. I like that number a lot.
Pentium_4 27
guys can go pretty much anytime they want, so you should have gone the extra 10 seconds, then turn off the stove!
MrSassypants 34
Ignoring your "fact", turning off the stove won't put out the fire.
Pentium_4 27
oh yeah, turn off the stove AND put out the fire :P
crackz12 10
Exactly what i was thinking. **** blue balls let the shit burn for a couple more seconds
mickypequi 13
Yea! Then you can enjoy shower sex at whoever's house you have to stay at after your place burns down! And when someone asks how does it feel to lose everything you own, you can say "doesn't matter, had sex".
TheNewGuy03 29
73: Then they would be on fire, and they wouldn't be able to have sex. Ever.
thisiscat 14
Is she blonde?
Archay 13
That has to be one of the most overused stereotype.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
She barely turned 14, of course she thinks blonde jokes are still funny.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
^ There's another stereotype
GoW_Chick 15
Stereotypes can be funny if your timing is just right, and know how to to deliver a good punch line, but its always off and on with those kind of jokes.
MadisonLynn143 4
^Blonde jokes aren't funny at all, at least to somebody who's naturally blonde. It's pretty offensive.
thisiscat 14
It's a joke. Uh- sorry if any blondes are offended by my joke..
lemonsquid 6
Are you stupid? The color of your hair does not matter towards your smartness or dumbness. Unfortunately, you don't know that. :/
MrsPegg 45
Mind if I jump in on this blonde topic? Ok then! . . . My good friend is a blonde and after having this exact lengthy conversation, we realized that it's not that blondes are stupid/ditzy, they just don't give a ****. (For those blondes out there who take this seriously, I'm not saying you're dumb because you don't care). All women are awesome no matter what hair color. And oh my gosh, I just realized any woman (or person in that matter) is capable of making a mistake! *gasps*
thisiscat 14
People, people please. It is a j-o-k-e Just because ones hair is a shade of yellow does not effect their brain compacity.
SirCharles83 13
Omg. I'm going to save the mods some time and just say "comment moderated" to all of you fools.
SirCharles83 13
Comment moderated again.
emilydotawesome 1
That stereotype is ridiculously inaccurate. Find a new overused joke, possibly a slightly less annoying one? You're just insulting your own intelligence by classifying about a third of the world as stupid simply because of the hair color they were born with.. That's just my two cents.
mickypequi 13
Agreed! People are stupid no matter what color their hair is.
zolziski 11
I always believed that the "dumb blonde" jokes were at the expense of fake blondes. The ladies who cannot go out to the mailbox in the morning without their face and believe that their bottle blonde and fake tan looks fantastic. Quick question: How many blonde jokes are there? Answer: None. They're all true. *takes a bow*
petraphotoDOTca 6
omg. stay in school. please.
WaylonD 4
Pics or ur not a real blonde!
ladyLALAA 29
I'm a natural blonde and I bleach it lighter, in 2 years I'll be a cosmetic nurse, stereotypes suck! However, blonde jokes are funny so you should all chill!
ClosetTroll 10
OP is sad because the sponge cake got burned down.
kkillaj 5
I see what you did there
annejayy 7
Wasn't that the logical thing to do if your kitchen was on fire...
SpottedZebra42 14
I'm impressed. Sometimes, we men think with our fiddlesticks and not our brain.
devilcb 5
The fact that you just called it a fiddlestick..
z563 8
Is that why women are meant to stay in the kitchen?
richy90255 8
That's a hot way to live
TheElderTROLLZ 15
For some reason your profile picture reminds me of this FML... the nakedness...
emeraldisle 30
Look at it this way. At least the sex was good.