Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, I met my new girlfriend's teenage son for the first time. His first words were, "So you're the guy who has been banging my mom." The rest of the evening he kept asking what we have done and if his mom was good at it. She thought it was awfully funny to hear me tell her son how she was in bed. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thongs4lyfe 0
omfg!!!!! I've used glow in the dark condoms before!!!!! sooooo much fun to watch go in and out! and to play wit, it's like a lite saber!!!!!!
yoshi359 0
turn the lights off!!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (177)
yoshi359 0
turn the lights off!!!
FYLDeep 26
Sounds like the mom wants in on the action.
FrannyPackIt 0
what does op even mean?
StoryOfTheYear 15
turn the lights off, carry me home... o sry that comment reminded me of that song
killerviral 0
hey she's ******* cool I would love to have a mom like that lol
ThatOneAdamKid24 0
agreed with 30. my mom only gives me anal beads.
StoryOfTheYear 15
lol, best part is she just gives em out, it's like, here take these, your going to do it eventually, may as well be now and in style
Blue_Coconuts 7
I wanna buy some glow in the dark condom's and make a girl play ring toss in the dark. I'm not sure why but it sounds hilarious.
koolitaliano 0
me too, and I would love to see my d*ck glow in the dark
GYLF 0
#49 ftw
kenman884 2
If I guess correctly, original poster.
cater2U 0
turn out the lights. put on a glowing condom.
Eggvader 0
ask her where she bought them
gotdapowa 0
all the small things? one would be his penis
llcooljoey 0
oh oh ask her if she has any with rocket ships on them
ilovechocochipz 0
yeah 65 thats what i thit but it didnt always fit
ilovechocochipz 0
yah 65 thats what i thot but it doesnt always work
ericvolp12 0
that's not a fml looser
ReyEr9412 0
Coolest. Mom. Ever.
harajukujunkie 0
wow dat suqz 4 u
niesenator 0
The first time I read this I read "she pulled some condoms put of the freezer and there are some colder ones up stairs" lmao I think I have dyslexia lol
fmlurlife 0
that isnt an fnl. thats a ******* cool mom
lky830 0
#30 is right on
kye_kye16 0
wtf
TooNz_fml 0
I wouldn't complain. It sounds like one cool mom.
samham12345 3
op means original poster
Wargen 8
yah totally! Best Mom Ever.
ShakesBeer 0
I love that song! blink 182 is sooooo coool!!!
midorihoneybucke 0
lol same thats like the best mom ever
newmanlyman3 8
that's nice. the lord shines threw the darkest nite.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Me too #95
Killah_Jay 0
@26- Blink-182! Best band everrr(:
beachballa93 0
She seems chill
Austino713 0
umm it is an fml bcuz tht probly means his girlfriend is a ***** and has a disease that is a total fml
u_killed_kenny_ 0
well, do u want glow in the dark condoms? I sure do :)
StoryOfTheYear 15
rock on 145
FlippyFloppies 0
@ #95, i read the exact same thing you did. we will have dislexia together.
li_vikki 0
coooool mom
deanftw 0
gayest band ever
D4rkCha0s 0
dude y this an fml. she bassicaly tellin u to go do it. hell ya :D
jessieex0x0 0
lmfao sweet ass mom
gorbeast 0
best... mother... EVER!!!
EmmaMarieCullen 0
# 85 and 86 op does mean original poster
Bon3less 0
MILF much?!
Dizzygrl08 4
Win for his mom. EPIC win lol
Meegggaaann 0
she's supportive.
coolmixedkid 0
wait your mom gives you Anal beads because...?
magnis 0
don't worry I read that too! :)
Jezlovespink 5
Those glowy ones dont even ******* work!!!! >:{} dont waste ur $$ on them!!!
thongs4lyfe 0
omfg!!!!! I've used glow in the dark condoms before!!!!! sooooo much fun to watch go in and out! and to play wit, it's like a lite saber!!!!!!
mkylem 0
Holy crap dude! I laughed so hard I couldn't breath!
The_Norwegian 2
lol, did you make light-saber sounds with it? WHHHOOOOOOM!
smashleighfig 0
hahaha thats a cool ass mom And this comment made me lmao hah
bobys36 0
lol agree wit 71 picture.
PsychoKittie 7
THX FOR THE ADVICE!! Ill use them when im legal :3
Duckzy 16
This comment made my decade :)
Rammer3500 23
The misspellings in this make me wonder how old you really are...
misskity6 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ok these are getting stupid
Parabolar 1
Agreed.
comedychick 1
also agree
WiiLLyiZSiCkk 0
nope ur wrong
ShakesBeer 0
yours was the stupidest yet then.
royals08 0
my boyfriends mom doesn't even let Is cuddle on the couch so be thankful that he has a cool mom.....I have to admit that it is a little weird but it could be alot worse...
sugarbabyxoxo 2
man haha at least his mom isn't a phsyco bitch and goes ape shit when you two hang out, talk ect. the whole "my baby boy act" gets fuckking old lol.
sugarbabyxoxo 2
oops I don't know why that posted as a reply to number 4 sorry lol.
davekron 0
it's because your big boobs were blocking the monitor's line of sight just admit it.
rockstarxtina 0
it is cool.
WiiLLyiZSiCkk 0
agreed
kokonator 0
so wat hoo cares
ingabish 0
um... how is this an fml?? your boyfriend's mum sounds cool. lol
mkylem 0
The reason it was an FML was that is was an odd moment.
rennobeinna 0
that's what I was thinkin!!!
ryancorn 0
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thts kimdov weird
HippL 0
she was being very thoughtful Lol :D
punq 0
smd op. that is all.
lil_ham1644 29
Smd? "Shake my dick"? "Shave mike's donkey"?