Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
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Top comments
EggyDogger 13
Gotta throw away the whole face
routerere 10
Imagine just walking along minding your own business and the floor starts screaming.
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Comments (10)
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is a perfectly acceptable response for an arachnophobe.
EggyDogger 13
Gotta throw away the whole face
thehaystackerine 20
Did you know? Everybody swallows 28 spiders in their sleep in their lifetime. And is ALWAYS 28. If you're on your deathbed and have only swallowed 3 spiders in your life, 25 of them show up at once.
Charlie Given 28
that was actually a rumor started as part of a study to see how far and fast internet rumor's spread
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is as genuine as my Post Malone/Pre Malone "fact".
routerere 10
Imagine just walking along minding your own business and the floor starts screaming.
Charlie Given 28
it's the Itsy Bitsy Spider he just came to say hello 😨😵😂
Santorini Lawrencia 19
I know. Spiders are real scary.
GIJoefan 6
Kevin McAllister wasn’t in your house was he?
interesting33 37
Excellent enticing wording!