Today, at 16 years-old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with, "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
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Top comments
whiskey'swino 15
The Talk? He officially gave you The Silence. If you have any questions just ask the internet, what could go wrong?
yeongji 31
It is awkward, but sometimes the talk can be useful, even more so for those who are curious, but do not know who to turn to. A coworker of mines did it for both her son and daughter (not at the same time) by initiating the conversation through pictures on what to avoid from her nursing textbooks.
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Comments (10)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Just remember to keep yourself wrapped up whenever you go and play.
julfunky 29
This is a FML? More like “a basic story from a normal life.”
yeongji 31
It is awkward, but sometimes the talk can be useful, even more so for those who are curious, but do not know who to turn to. A coworker of mines did it for both her son and daughter (not at the same time) by initiating the conversation through pictures on what to avoid from her nursing textbooks.
whiskey'swino 15
The Talk? He officially gave you The Silence. If you have any questions just ask the internet, what could go wrong?
Da_Clough 7
Actually, the sex advice sub Reddit isn't a bad place to ask for advice.
Deez_Knots 10
I don’t have any conversations with my father. If we’re driving together we just awkwardly silently get where we’re going. That’s how it should be
GUYMAINE 16
Should've asked him about docking
RichardPencil 32
I’d prefer silence than hear Dad’s account of how Mom likes her salad tossed and massaging Dad’s prostate.
avertle 9
So when a man and woman love each other very much....
anonurmom 12
Bad dad
peterblackmer91 12
I'm missing something here. I'm just not quite getting the problem.