The Top

OP here. Yeah, 1k is what the insurance company told me. I knew it was a ripoff and found a local repair shop to fix the window for ... much less than that. I am not sure what the thieves saw in a bag of grubby shorts and a t-shirt, but that’s what they took. And why the f am listed as being in Indianapolis, I live nowhere near there. LOL.

By Jakeok - 14/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Fraser

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 425

You deserved it 7 649

By dangerwaiter - 19/06/2017 14:49

Today, as a waiter, I was bringing drinks to a table that included a 3-month-old baby. I accidentally spilled a beer on the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 969

You deserved it 1 078

Tiny Terror tells us more.

Tiny Terror 19

Saturday 17 June 2017 16:42

Hi, I submitted this FML. I'm not the waiter, but I was part of the table he was serving. It was my sister's baby and while she was upset, by the end of the dinner she realized mistakes happen. We just changed the baby, cleaned/wiped things up and had to do some laundry that night!

By graphite01 - 01/11/2016 04:08 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 721

You deserved it 1 262

Mommy Goes Commando

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 13:00

Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 325

You deserved it 2 849

By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/08/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 275

By Sergeant - 22/01/2018 19:00 - Russian Federation

Today, I fainted in the bathtub. My family broke the door to save me, which is great, but they all saw me naked, which is not so great. My siblings laughed at the size of my penis, my father laughed at the situation, and my mom just cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 314

You deserved it 413

By (L) - 13/02/2018 15:00 - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 799

You deserved it 3 809

By ashily24 - 07/02/2018 15:00

Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 400

You deserved it 546

With any luck, it'll be canceled

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 740

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 01:30

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 3 737

Poisoned chalice

By Anonymous - 27/04/2020 08:00

Today, I inherited a lot of money from a great aunt that I had forgotten about. Her immediate family are all scumbags who were only after her money, so she willed it to me and my mom to say "fuck you" to them from beyond the grave. Now I keep getting threatening phone calls. Thanks auntie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 465

By belladonna1025 - 11/05/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 332

You deserved it 839

By Jebus - 23/01/2009 13:31 - Canada

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 2 440

Free healthcare when?

By tooth fairy - 20/08/2018 13:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 600

You deserved it 136

Pleased to meet you

By Homeless without superbowl - 16/02/2023 16:00

Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 4 993

By geedeewhy - 01/01/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 791

Exterminators are expensive

By vinyl_mermaid - 02/03/2017 14:00

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 636

You deserved it 490

Scammers gonna scam

By nobody asked you! - 26/03/2019 02:00

Today, it's my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refused. Not only was I late, he turned violent when I refused to pay his $100 fare plus a "talent fee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 711

You deserved it 209

By weatherlike - 02/09/2008 05:12 - Cuba

Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn. Ike and Josephine want to come and say hi too. They’re not friends of ours, but rather the next cyclones that may pass by the island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 90

By ashlyrose45 - 27/12/2016 06:03 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went back to my friends place drunk. As we were walking in, she told me to be quiet, so as not to wake her parents and let them know we were drunk. I then walked in and looked at her parents, who were still awake watching TV, and said, "Shhh. Meg told me not to wake her parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 752

You deserved it 3 259

ashlyrose45 tells us more.

ashlyrose45 12

Monday 2 January 2017 3:17

Didn't realize this got posted! But her parents knew we were out drinking so it wasn't a big deal :) it was just really late, like 3 or 4 in the morning, so she figured they'd be asleep. Felt pretty stupid when I woke up!

By invasive species - 07/11/2016 15:08

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 770

You deserved it 754

By Didn't want to hear that from you - 11/08/2017 10:46

Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about my partner, until she asked me if he was good in bed and started saying things like "I've seen it, great length. I'm jealous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 821

You deserved it 659

Scoobz tells us more.

Scoobz 2

Sunday 6 August 2017 2:33

OP here!! Can't believe that this actually got posted! My mother-in-law and I have a unique, open relationship... Quite traumatic at times though. We're like good friends, that sometimes take it too far. Thank you all for your comments!!

By dancingqueef - 22/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 780

You deserved it 1 200

Don't give a shit

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age, nor birthday. They are twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 661

By sarahmoon - 05/05/2018 01:30

Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 544

By kattylizbeth - 15/05/2016 02:03 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out that it's possible to make your sister so mad that she scoops the litter box and hides the contents around your room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 432

You deserved it 1 770

kattylizbeth tells us more.

kattylizbeth 19

Monday 16 May 2016 4:02

Hey, guys, OP here. I'm not even sure if I'm following up correctly, but here goes. My sister is almost 9, and I pissed her off because I didn't want to go to her softball scrimmage (yep, scrimmage not game) because I was going to Six Flags with my school. Apparently, this warranted her putting cat shit on my bookshelf/nightstand. Props to her, it was the worst thing to come home to ever. I didn't prank her back, she's 8. I did take away the pooper scooper though, lol