Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML
Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML
Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, my roommate is super comfortable around me. Comfortable enough to masturbate while we are in the same room. I asked him to stop, which took some self-control because I wanted to shout at him. He said he needs to do it because of his shin splints. Whatever. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Punch him in the face every time you catch him jerking off. If he complains, tell him society no longer controls you.
real life problems 26
Society has nothing to do with having some self control and not being a disgusting slob. That's just an excuse to be a lazy shitbag
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Comments (21)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Punch him in the face every time you catch him jerking off. If he complains, tell him society no longer controls you.
Charlie Given 28
Go take a shit in his bed then put the covers up when he bitchs about it how e him the same loser ass excuse that'll teach him.🤔😈
RichardPencil 32
Society has a way of getting rebels to come around.
julfunky 29
So society was the only thing that made him clean up his ****? ... ... Ew.
wHSKitty 11
I’m ithink OP said that he “didn’t” clean it up...
rmg23667 14
are you a ******* idiot
rmg23667 14
are you a ******* idiot
Suzi_d16 27
That’s exactly the point. He previously cleaned it up because of society. Society no longer controls him so he doesn’t clean it up anymore. Ergo, he only cleaned it up because of society.
real life problems 26
Society has nothing to do with having some self control and not being a disgusting slob. That's just an excuse to be a lazy shitbag
thatslifeiguess7 16
911 Time for a 72 hour hold
RichardPencil 32
Tell him he’s a hypocrite because society forces him to stay home and **********. If he were truly free, he’d go out and stick his dick into any hole he liked. Then, you’ll have the place to yourself, ****-free.
Mungolikecandy 19
Sounds like your best friend is having some form of breakdown.
Dragonmastergod 14
pour honey on his bed so he has to live with something sticky
ojosRojos 28
I walk around naked in my house all the time lol but who would just leave their cum everywhere?! I’m a woman so I might not be knowledgeable in that area, but I’m pretty sure that’s not normal. Your roommate needs psychological help.