Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
Today, I had my daughter babysit her two-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML
Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML
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Top comments
Bloo2555 22
That has to be illegal in some way. That's just plain wrong.
KnightToucan 18
Hope you didn't pay her in advance...
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Comments (21)
Bloo2555 22
That has to be illegal in some way. That's just plain wrong.
KnightToucan 18
Hope you didn't pay her in advance...
dexter420 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Its just common courtesy to at least let him watch
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
Yea, kids shouldn't be locked in a room. And you now have a reason to bot pay her
RichardPencil 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hey, at least she had the decency to lock your son away so he couldn’t see her sexcapades. She’s got that going for her! Of course, she and the dude need to buy you new sheets and whatever other bedding they secreted precious bodily fluids on!
bigdaddyeric 37
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How old are you Pencil Dick? They didn’t owe this part time Dad anything, He’s lucky they didn’t do it in front of his son since he left him there under her supervision. All of your answers sound like you are a Senior Citizen or completely out of it....
WhatHappenedToIt 22
How do you know hes a "part time parents"? maybe hes divorced and has full custody while mom has visitation. Or she left and left him with the kid. you can't say something about someone that you dont know the story of.
RichardPencil 32
I’m not as old as you. Too bad you missed a Dr. Strangelove reference. Your ignorance makes you a nasty prick.
almost_there44 26
Eric, you must be new here. Welcome! You must remember-whenever Richie makes a comment (which is on every FML, sometimes 3 or 4 times, so it's hard to keep up after a week of not logging in if you have a life) you either agree with him by liking his comment or by telling him how great he is. If not, he will throw a tantrum and insult you over an app. Hope this helps, good luck!
sixtus1973 27
@bigdaddyeric: “How old are you Dick?” would be a perfectly good question followed by a lecture. By calling him Pencil Dick you’re just telling everyone here on FML that you are operating on the same low level as RichardPencil.
RichardPencil 32
It’s nice to see the trolls having their convention. @almost_there44: you take up the most screen space on this site without saying anything remotely interesting. You should plagiarize that idiot spamming us about their witch doctor — that would be a vast improvement over your typical swill.
almost_there44 26
I post 2-3 times a month, you do it more like every day so if anybody takes up unnecessary space with uninteresting info, it's you. Everyone is a troll if they don't agree with you and you're not getting paid for this so relax. Just apply for an opening wait for their decision.
raven_of_azarath 35
1. You realize he’s joking. 2. Of course the babysitter and the dude owe OP. They neglected his child and had sex in his bed. You really think they should get off scotch free?
sweetbliss3 37
sarcasm- you either know it or you don't. I happen to get his humor. quite funny. but agreed, they should be paying OP for new bedding and mattress.
RichardPencil 32
Thank you for commenting about my comment instead of insulting me!
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Is this something you can report to the police? And if you can, put out warnings about her across town so other parents won't hire her.
WhatHappenedToIt 22
she would then have the right to sue him for defamation of character. even though its true he still has no right to screw her job over.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
"even though its true he still has no right to screw her job over. "Umm, wrong, because he wouldnt' be screwing her job over. She did that when she decided to neglect to do her job and have sex instead. A thing which every prospective client has a right to know she did. This is especially true since the whole job is taking care of children. Would you be happy if you hired a babysitter who did this and then you found out that she had a history of leaving children unattended or locked in their rooms and people just hadn't been saying anything because they didn't want to screw her job over? No. You wouldn't be. In fact I'd bet good money your main thought would be that this girl is in no way qualified to take care of children and should in fact find herself a new job since she can't be trusted to the one you were paying her for. The main component in proving defamation is that you have to prove the statements to be false. If you actually locked the kid in his room to have sex with a man in the bed of the person paying you to watch their kid and they tell the world about it, it's not defamation, It's just an earned negative review of services.
PenguinPal3017 19
Thank you for explaining. Saved me the trouble. The best defense against a defamation lawsuit is that what you said is true.
sumocj 14
Somehow I thought this was going to end differently
bigdaddyeric 37
Did you get the job?
katydid91 31
If we're the parent I would be talking to the police and filing charges of child endangerment and false imprisonment.
Yudith 28
At least you didn't catch your babysitter having sex with your son.