Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML
Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, my dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "Mom." I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me "something nice." FML
Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML
Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML
Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
utefan27 0
haha you just got burned by your dad
TXjuggalo972 6
don't worry op I actually kind of like flat chested women idk why actually I could care less
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (172)
HSOMGF 5
Your dad is an asshole.
LLSpanky 24
Amen
mahimalil 0
☆。★。☆。★ 。☆ 。☆。☆ ★。＼｜／。★ Happy New Year! ★。／｜＼。★ 。☆。 。☆。 ☆。 ★。 ☆
sparta98 4
I don't get why somebody would say you deserve it. You're not in control of what you were born to look like. I'm sorry, OP.
madalynn 11
exactly.
Zesty697 0
boob job
Aaron810 6
16: she deserves it for not being able to take a joke
aww_man2010 6
just join the itty bitty tittie committie (i know the spelling is probably wrong), and get over it, i know quite a lot of people that don't have big boobs and they are in relationships and have lots of friends, your not the only one.
ICaughtFire 4
I suppose you could spell titty however you want. I use a "y" rather than "ie". Doesn't matter in my opinion. Oh.. It's committee, by the way (:
omgshaylaaa 0
39 since you're correcting spelling and all I'm surprised you didn't catch the "your not the only one." you are = you're******
ICaughtFire 4
I was just helping her out, she acknowledged that she spelled it wrong. No need to pick at every little mistake.
aww_man2010 6
haha thanks guys i'm obviously not the best speller but at least it wasn't way off.
xladiesman21x 0
I just joined the "show no pity for the itty bitty titty committee"
grizzly260 0
Being on the IBTC is nothing to be ashamed of. It's all in the hips.
mandypandypants 4
Your dad is a ******* boss. Fyl for having mosquito bites.
KVloveBC 0
I call them bee stings..
pwilsonlf3 4
I used to call my wife Mandy pandy pants.....she left me 2 months ago...that bitch.
lekiat 0
you dad is a hoot!
LardZilla 11
Dad-1 Samantha-0
thaliax3 0
lol dats evil!!!! yu sudda kicked his ass >:d
motero 0
gorgeous!
danishbagel 3
You should have paid attention in English class!
ifeelfckd 0
win*
ICaughtFire 4
Amen 28.
Failed_Again 0
flatcheasted isn't that bad tbh. i'm only 14 though so who's counting?
bassplayer27 0
sizzle!