Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
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Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
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Comments (198)
CAM241 0
Win
RodzillaX 30
like a boss!
withasmile 3
Oh for God's sake - lighten up! Sex is supposed to be fun. And get him to return the favor!
ReynshineCutting 10
You're totally missing the point.
JessalynVictoria 6
I so agree. :) not saying that willingly reciprocating for an act done for me can't be fun... but it's not everyone's cup o tea. and for gods sake use some manners. Or at least get her a little warmed up first if you get what I'm sayin. maybe then she will be more willing.
RealDjRatchet 0
You spoiled him
paradiseisland01 0
OMG I would took that as a joke and made him feel like the stupid one . Knowing that he would never ask me ever again .
PandaPaws 0
Bend down and just say hello nothing more
helloimjoshlol 0
lmao :)
lulzmylife 4
I would drop my pants and say, "You first!"
lulzmylife 4
Exactly. Her husband sounds like an entitled asshole who doesn't respect her and just views her as an object for his sexual pleasure. Obviously we're just hearing one side of the story, but if this is actually the norm for him and not just a one-time joke, then it must be a hell of a crappy marriage.