Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
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Top comments
YaboyVinnie 21
So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?
MaskingTape 2
What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?
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Comments (192)
YaboyVinnie 21
So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?
matt5217 4
I swallowed a screw once. it fame out 2 monthes later
fanceh 10
What a great way to get out of school!
NeatNit 33
68, yeah. OP, I think your son is lying to you.
GrooveSponge 0
88, he was obviously lying:P What sane 7 year old doesn't understand that they can't swallow things like that?
NeatNit 33
Hey, be fair. There are plenty of people with that disorder, some even fully grown up.
spartyparty21 0
U r my best friend That was hilarious haha
HannahJoButtons 2
Hey! Leave the kid alone...he's got a screw loose!
shelbyyyy11 0
94: if their kid had a disorder, do you really think they'd put this FML up here?
clancey6 4
Who said OP was a Guy?
Streeet_hayley 6
My Strange Addiction..
brodie1709 5
Stomach acid will easily break down steel and it will pass through the body without any concern.
eatthesword 0
Rofl sucks for OP then
Xtra_Cheddar 3
Idc what my kid swallowed I'm not searching his poop, buy him another screw for like 10 cents jeeze
MaskingTape 2
What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?
deaper 16
Screw it?
flockz 20
im screwing screws, like a boss. or like a screwdriver.
Iamnotmyself 17
-40 **** screwing, I hammer.
flockz 20
you nailed that joke.
Mrfyourlife 5
I lol'd
hemz_fml 13
Thats actually a disorder I don't remember what but it's a disorder that can be fatal, the person has the need to stuff his or her face, you need to see a doctor about that
nitewlf12 10
I see a pattern developing here. Starting to think he's swallowing random objects on purpose. Senioritis starts young.
darkmis1 18
It's called Pica syndrome. It's when someone likes to eat non-food items; they usually can't be digested, so they build up in the stomach, and tears it open, which kills them if they don't get it removed and their stomach stitched up ASAP. OP: You should take your son to the doctors right away.
tjv3 10
go ahead and buy him a helmet. your child is a retard
hillhero 2
Who taught him to swallow random things?
Mitch_Connor 11
He probably learned it from mommy
CryMoreFMLs 15
He's doing it to get out of school. 5 days in a row is pushing the limit of ignorance.
CryMoreFMLs 15
He's doing it to get out of school. 5 days in a row is pushing the limit of ignorance.
Peachy2392 26
No one had to teach him...he's a kid, its in his nature.
Iknoweverything 29
Isn't there some medical disorder for people who swallow a bunch of stuff (particularly metal stuff) impulsively? Either the kid has something wrong medically, or he really hates school.
nromanyuk 4
Yes, that medical disorder is called Pica. I'd take this kid to a hospital since it's not his first time eating things like that!
RainbowHeadache 2
It's more common for babies & elementary school kids than older kids because it's a developmental phase they go through. When a kid that has passed this developmental point and is older, but still continues to do that then there is usually a problem. If he's only ever done it one or two times over a long, long span of time then it's probably not a big deal. But you're right about it being pica. :) They only said it the 5th day he's had to be kept out of school. Things like that don't usually pass the day you eat them so the parent had to keep an eye on his bowel movements for a few days so they don't miss it. They didn't say he's done it before.
RainbowHeadache 2
Well they did say "in this case". My bad! :P
ShyAnn29 15
I'd take him to the hospital if it were my kid, wouldn't a screw damage the stomach lining or the intestinal lining?
Freeze_fml 17
Taking him to the hospital also works.
cptmorgan6 8
True, but what's the point in keeping him home if all you're going to do is search the poo? The screw's out by that time.
flockz 20
i never pass a free screw.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
That's not what I heard.
ThatOneCanadian 0
man flockz is killing it today i laughed so hard i dropped my phone
aliadnan708 6
Hope that screw is not big and he can pass it or otherwise see a doc
lollipop77_fml 6
I think you'd have been better off taking the scooter to your local hardware store; they'd more than likely have the screw you were looking for; or call the scooter manufacturer - Brave you for sifting through poop! Hopefully your son doesn't use this "swallowing screw" thing as a ploy to stay home in the future!!!
deaper 16
I doubt she NEEDS the screw back... I think she's more worried about a fricking screw causing internal damage to the kid as it passes through his system!
RainbowHeadache 2
Lol you have to make sure those kind of things pass through or the kid will have to go to the hospital. Doctors will even tell you that it's not a big deal unless they can't pass it. Unless it's a battery or something else corrosive.
da_cookie_monsta 1
Lollipop made a funny. Deaper didn't get it...
TheGenius 1
Um, Ew?
Nosrebor 8
Words well spoken, TheGenius.
LissaMccracken 23
For someone with a username like "The Genius", that comment wasn't very "genius"
NikkiCat 0
pica much???
brianjman14 23
Why search his poop? What're you going to do with the screw when it comes out?
prinzess_fml 25
to make sure it's out, i guess, and not stuck somewhere in his bowels
DocBastard 40
Do NOT get an MRI for several reasons: 1) MRI uses a very intense magnet to get the pictures 2) It takes about 30-45 minutes to get an MRI, and most 7 year olds can't lie still that long 3) MRI is much more expensive than, say, and abdominal Xray 4) No radiologic study is really needed. These objects will invariably pass by themselves, leaving the GI tract unscathed. Searching through the stool is actually a good idea so you can rest assured the foreign object is out.
flockz 20
listen to him he's a doctor.
MissRoxiie 12
Lol #18 an MRI will probably kill the kid, its just gonna pull the screw out of his body, ripping off everything...
deXter11_fml 0
#31 - you forgot to mention the most valid reason not to get an MRI, you don't use MRIs to find metal objects. That's just silly.
DocBastard 40
Dexter, that's what I was implying in my first point. Sorry, I should have been clearer.
Sukismama 2
That was my question as well.. I still don't get it..
Daralea 21
lol, for the sake of my sanity I'm going to assume Keevarou was trying to make a brilliant sarcastic remark. Good one, Keevarou. Good one. (though it may actually solve your problem; don't think your kid will swallow a screw ever again after that) I hope the FML illustrators decide to immortalize that idea.
llamalpaca382 13
An MRI would take it out for him...and possibly kill him in the process, fool.
idoc300 11
You have experience? Did you get the coca cola bottle out yet