Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
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Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
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Comments (198)
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
Crlnprz 11
lmfao nice one #1
transcedental 18
smooth xD
Alex94xela 0
LOLOLOL I think op should help him out though
cyanne_fml 7
Win xD
dwreck69 0
Why'd you marry him YDI
AlexandriaMgmt 0
haha win. +5
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Caution: This product contains small parts which may lead to choking or other serious health problems. Not suitable for children under 18.
sabresgirl249 0
Nice !! good one
xSniperx_fml 5
LOL I lol'd
aussie_gemini 5
Technically isn't a ******** foreplay? What foreplay do you usually have for foreplay?
blueberrypsycho 9
the ******* is not what's wrong but the invitation to it is.
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
GardeningHoes 0
People really don't need to post that they enjoy another comment, it's a bit annoying
perdix 31
As soon as you bring the mother-in-law into this, it usually kills the mood faster than saltpeter.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Saltpeter is the worst thing ever. 36 hours without an erection after ingesting....absolutely awful.
Nekro_kat 1
21- your no fun!
deXter11_fml 0
#1 this was genius.
pinkspaceboundro 0
Yeah but typically this isn't how it's initiated.. What kinda guys do you date?
Rinat_fml 26
Your annoying.
Redheaddest 0
96- I really enjoyed your comment btw. It was great.
ownedurmom 1
Bhahhahaha really good one!!!
good41thing198 7
FYL
sexylol_fml 4
Hahah!
ItsApril 0
Ha ha sounds like my husband. His "invitation" is to look over and say "I'm gonna **** you". I think it's funny.
43trauts 14
#1 is pure win
blindgay1 3
I'm thirsty now. :p
ck11_fml 1
You're no fun. Just bc he wanted a ******* doesn't mean he didn't plan on returning the favor
conholio33 28
Best comment ever
BrianAlarcon 0
Sounds fun....
chulamami916 6
Haha, I could see my husband saying something like that loll. Just be a trooper and go down, then just ask for the same favor in return. Its a win win situation! ;)
ReynshineCutting 10
If you're not remotely in the mood it's not a win win situation. It's just another miserable chore then.
flockz 20
"honey can you do the chores for me please?" "great now i have to suck your dick, again."
ItsApril 0
@66 or you could tell him to get you in the mood. Not that difficult.
muchagente 5
i love op's name
DCFan 9
Now everyone is going back to the top of the page to see what the name is. Thumb this up if you did!
flockz 20
i didnt thumb up anyone im a rebel.
CryMoreFMLs 15
This isn't youtube.
hayleyjames 0
That blows
babybrunette128 8
That sucks ...
Eggers 2
what a dick
sarapsosis 1
what a muchachos
BIEBERSLAYER 10
But she doesn't
WildKoala43 2
Ouch, what a pun. :P
Astroman129 7
Well you are what you eat.
Astroman129 7
Well you are what you eat.
Octain 13
I see what you did there ;)
andruha1123 5
what's the problem here?
22cute 17
Idiots, apparently you must be one
Enslaved 38
Are you able to talk with a mouth full of ****?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
It's a breeze for the adept.
longlostgirl 4
I could:)
ThreeSheetsGone 12
146- I don't care if you can talk, hum, whistle, or smoke a cigarette with a dick in your mouth. Don't even talk to me until you can sing the National Anthem in perfect pitch while deepthroating a **** covered in chocolate syrup and whipped cream.
josh8215 21
Start singing that one beetles song. "Hello, hello hellooooo, I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello."
transcedental 18
Or the doors: Hello, I love you, won't you tell me tour name. Hello, I love you, let me jump in your game.
MrBoredGuy 1
I think you mean The Beatles
josh8215 21
Yes, I did, but by the time I noticed the **** up, it was rather too late. In my defence, it was very early in the morning here in the central time zone.
BeatlesObsessed 12
Oh, The Beatles. :D
No_LoveMM 3
sexy
Hamcons 1
Did you do as you were told? If you didn't, that is the only problem I have with this situation.
AfroD 0
I agree :/
CryMoreFMLs 15
Both of you make me want to club a baby seal.
Saltime 0
Reall, that's all? Both of them make me want to club a baby. I'm not violent.
transcedental 18
sh*t. :/