Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
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Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
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Comments (198)
xbeccix 0
haha nice one
twilightdogstar 1
Big deal, my boyfriend does stuff like this all the time. It's called a joke. Unless that's *all* he does for foreplay, in which case your marriage sucks, not your whole life.
DjeePee 25
I would say that if her marriages sucks, a great part of her life is ******.
Mitch_Connor 11
I was told not to talk to strangers
leadman1989 16
You better hop to it because when robots are invented, they won't complain about blow jobs while guys sit down eat doritos and watch football (Home shopping network in my case) But women won't want them until they can "love" and by that time they'll already be pissed and taking over the world.
justanotherbird 19
Incorrect sir. Women would get the same amount of pleasure from a robot. In fact, we are already getting it from our electronic friends! Having a robot that could do oral and that would just up the ante that's already there. :) I wouldn't be watching the home network channel during such fun though....
BritLass 15
What a charmer!! :D
monagro 22
Massive lad
xLoveLastsx 0
What a husband…
Jonman503 0
why don't you?
herc71 5
Divorce anyone?
XxDancerGirlxX 17
How many times has your husband went down on you OP? I bet every time you asked. Do it!