Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
damo0se7205 0
I done that before. Lol. Don't choke on the offer.
decidedlyvague 11
Did you guys have a pleasant introduction? I bet he was all red and sweaty. you made him nervous didn't you? I bet he threw up in you mouth when you were making out with him.
decidedlyvague 11
Good luck getting someone to go down on you with that kind of attitude.
wieli2888 0
Girls love *******. Tsk tsk tsk!
fledrocknrolla 0
Well did you say hello
JFreeman 6
A clever, sarcastic reminder for neglected duties :)
justanotherbird 19
I would have dropped my skirt and said "I'm a a bit shy, why don't you go down and introduce yourself first?" ;)
robberry 11
That's his way of saying, "you don't do that enough." Men shouldn't have to ask for this!
good41thing198 7
Real men don't have to ask for it.
RufusCade 7
On the other hand, she might not give him head ever and this is his way of telling her that there is something missing in their sex life. She might be the one making the calls and he NEVER gets his needs fulfilled.
FailureFYL 0
I'll say hey... Hey!!