Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
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Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
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Comments (198)
theelitejosh171 1
yeah theres no need for that kid
theelitejosh171 1
it must have been horriable watching ur mom get beat and raped by ur dad
123jdub 7
Hey it's not going to suck itself
JessalynVictoria 6
I hope your extra flexible cuz with an attitude like that no ones gonna suck yours!
peter1299 0
U bettr start goin down haha
somewill 0
You should surprise him with a few that he doesn't have to ask for and maybe he will stop. When he is making if that obvious, something must be missing... Just my two cents.
goldfish78 11
How romantic! But make sure to clean his first before you start since he came back from work.
kombucha_fml 8
sounds like he wants you to be somewhat submissive.
laideehawk 6
Say hello to his "little" friend!
Mourningstar 4
Do the same to him, tell him "If you don't eat it, you don't need it"! Lol
jpallan 3
If you're in any way complying with this, then you deserve it. If you're giving him a look of death when he does it, then you have my sympathies if he's that slow.