Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Yep and...YOU married him.
LadyGore 12
Now you need to come up with a way to get him back even grosser. Make him regret doing it and see the humor in it, not the disgust. :P
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Comments (111)
LadyGore 12
Now you need to come up with a way to get him back even grosser. Make him regret doing it and see the humor in it, not the disgust. :P
sarahbear499 7
"accidentally" shit in the bed?
MidnightKnight 6
10- Considering she has to sleep in the bed as well, that might not be the best idea...
TheTwistedOtaku 16
Fart in a bottle and chase him around the house with it.
innavoiG 9
OP's husband is pretty funny, not gonna lie. An asshole, but funny.
jamalamadingdong 18
Next time you're in the shower together, and he thinks it's going to be sexy time, pee in your hands and throw it on him!
ElricMustang 23
LOL 37, how original. I wouldn't mind trying that, if only I had a sene of smell :/
Xquisite1 28
Yep and...YOU married him.
cnorris31 2
Sounds like a good guy
MURIKKA 11
2- I almost always click YDI on FML's like this for that exact reason.
Inheritance 10
That must be what's 'in' these days. Such an un-stoodable fetish.
Brool_Story_Co 17
Was that supposed to be funny 49?
morgiebear15 10
I hate when people hit YDI half the time it not their fault
Church_Vii 4
Not all guys are like that, but you should be glad you have a creative and original one.
jackw428 6
I'd go with immature and annoying instead... Of course, some people find that funny though I'd assume the wife doesn't as she posted an FML about it.
Welshite 40
Ah, a classical joker. Just be glad he limited it to farting.
PipingMouse 14
It could be something nastier, like leaving the toilet seat up.
FMLKitten 15
33- Leaving the toilet seat up isn't "nasty" it's bothersome.
lelo007 11
I've never seen the issue in putting the toilet seat down after a man is done. After all, we don't put it up for them when we finish.
doodlecloud 27
Guys use a toilet one way, girls another. I don't see why one way should actually top another. I think most people who are hot on health and safety tend to keep it down as it needs to be down to close the cover. However, if you don't bother with the cover then I don't see why it should be an issue. Why should the guy do everything? He has to put it up AND put it down whilst women expect everything to be done for them. The most fair way would just be to leave it however you leave it but expect to have to move something if you go in there after someone of the opposite sex.
PipingMouse 14
I get the point. It's just a pet peeve for me :P
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
Your husband sounds hilarious:D
flutter4 7
My husband does nasty shit like that too. He usually farts in his hand and throws it in my face or holds me under the covers after he farts. It's gross but at least he has a personality.
LiterOfCola 16
I don't understand how the husband is awesome..? He sounds like a tool. And 45 I don't believe that qualifies as personality
LiterOfCola 16
I meant to write hilarious instead of awesome.
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
59- Well people think differently on things. You think he's a tool, I think he's funny. End of story.
rainbowteehee 6
Gross! I would have smacked him across the ******* face! Jeez your husband sucks ass! Js
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
You don't even know him so you can't go and say he sucks ass because of what you just read. Besides, I think this is ******* hilarious:'D
PipingMouse 14
Does your husband have a kick ass sense of humor? No? I didn't think so.
SongBiird 6
Awe c'mon. It's just some butt wind. Is it seriously going to kill her? Harm her in any way? People need to learn how to lighten up and laugh it off. He's probably just trying to make her laugh, in an odd way.
DocBastard 40
Yeah, this is from the obnoxious little twit who says "men r *****" in her profile info. I seem to recall saying this exact same thing in the past, but it clearly bears repeating. You really seem to have a way with words. A way of ******* them all up, that is. Can you please just go away now? Far away?
Trix_Disorder 20
Overreaction much? Farts are funny.
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
That escalated quickly... Yeesh, physical voilence over some flatulence is a bit much.
sadistmonkey 19
He doesn't suck ass, he blows ass.
PipingMouse 14
from*
redreynard 14
Contrary to what my second grade teacher once told me, farts are still funny when I'm in my twenties. Your husband is, therefore, hilarious.
pabst4america 1
Agreed its simple math. Farts=hilarious. Husband farts so by transitive property, husband=hilarious
berryblizzard 11
It's your husband accept him how he is, obviously you were attracted to him at one point.
Welshite 40
I'm sure she's still attracted to him. He was just playing around and having fun; it doesn't mean she can't take a joke and instantly hates him because he pranked her.
kalingriffin 2
Lol I think it's funny. Sounds like my husband. I like a man that can open up in front of his wife! True love :)
Trix_Disorder 20
Teehee, "open up."
kalingriffin 2
Lol I didn't know how else to say it!
Trix_Disorder 20
"Relax," "Take a load off," and "Let himself go," are all equally as bad. How about "Be himself"?
PipingMouse 14
He's just trying to say he loves you in a new way each day. Your the only girl who has exclusive rights to his farts. It's true love, don't you see?
PipingMouse 14
True love is in the air.