Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother told my 3 year-old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML
Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML
Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML
Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
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Top comments
v4valour 15
All you have to do is replace "Satan" with "Hydra" and Boom! A new Captain America is born
Welshite 40
Aww she makes such a cute little demon. Keep an eye out for goat heads and pentagrams.
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Comments (63)
TMO2142 25
Well then. I wouldnt let your brother baby sit anymore
shinxanta 21
Sounds like you need a visit from our great lord and savior.
Neko_Atsume 11
Satan
v4valour 15
All you have to do is replace "Satan" with "Hydra" and Boom! A new Captain America is born
Tripartita 45
The geek in me wants to correct you and say that if anything, a new Red Skull would be born, but the rest of me has beaten him up, and he's down on the ground, feeling around for his broken glasses.
Soninuva 41
The geek in me joins in your inner geek's beat down. Read the Captain America reboot. Captain America: Steve Rogers No. 1 ends with Captain America saying "Hail Hydra." (And before anybody says it's not really him, Nick Spencer, the current Cap writer has stated that it isn't a clone or affected version. This is who Captain America is (as of now).)
MamaChey 24
Looks like the geek won, huh?
MamaChey 24
I take that back, Tripartita. You are no longer the biggest geek on this post...
Bragi 12
@2: You win.
brose180158 9
Sounds like your brother is a little too immature to babysit your daughter.
thatguy206 27
...or he worships satan and is trying to convert her daughter, hopefully just immature.
Wutdafuqq 24
Y'all mothafuckas need Lucifer.
RinoaHeartilly 36
So what if he is a satanist and trying to convert her? Christians do it to everyone else.
PePziNL 20
And besides, if God kills thousands of children with cancer he "works in mysterious ways", but if Satan does it he's "the devil". #doublestandards
deminchic 22
If you actually read the doctrine of the church of Satan, they're actually pretty amazing. They preach doing whatever the **** you want as long as you aren't screwing with other people's lives. They advocate kindness and don't judge the **** out of everyone like Christians do.
Welshite 40
Aww she makes such a cute little demon. Keep an eye out for goat heads and pentagrams.
Tripartita 45
Am I correct in presuming you have a similar origin story involving the words "dancing" and "tit" OP?
MamaChey 24
Nope. That's actually OP's real name...
KingKralj 31
I think I moderated this :o
QueenBeeGotStung 24
Well, at least it wasn't cussing ;P
gte225 11
Be glad it wasn't the H guy.
wordygirl 11
#11 it would be the same!, now wouldn't it? Op you need to open up a can of whoop *** on that brother of yours!
jow96 17
My friend once taught their nephew to say heil hitler, I'm not sure which is worse
RinoaHeartilly 36
Hitler. Hitler is worse.
Seuqrow 3
In some countries saying this in public could lead to problems. When you say the satan version people will usually think /understand you are joking
l3b4s1 8
Thats pretty funny lol