Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
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Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
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Comments (198)
penguinazul 13
Some women are such prudes. What is so wrong with guys asking for a *******? Is it just as wrong for me to ask my partner to go down on me? He probably thought he was being funny; I would think it was funny... IDK, maybe I'm weird because I actually enjoy pleasing my partner.
penguinazul 13
To me, it really isn't that big of a deal, and if I'm not in the mood I simply pat his dick and tell him to put it away or move his dick from my face. Not everything has to be all sweet and nice.
paigearoo 0
sounds a whole lot like my boyfriend
sara122010 4
hahahahahaha that sounds like my boyfriend...men are weird...
123_omg 19
My husband does the same thing all the time during foreplay...eww.
FroHo 8
Seems legit
decidedlyvague 11
If you don't want it, then they are obviously doing it wrong, and also, I didn't say that you had that kind of attitude or if that sort of disposition suited you, I just stated that if you approached a partner in the bedroom with that kind of attitude, it would be hard to get a positive reciprocal effect.
decidedlyvague 11
and also.... I meant it as more of a joke. It's true, some people find it uncomfortable, and if that's how he approached it all the time, it might not be the most appealing option. Although I do agree with #186, 1 person can't take complete control of the situation in bed. It can be good on some occasions, but for the most part it's more of a collaborative effort to make love to each other, not just for self pleasure.
talorylynn 4
It's a man. They do silly things. My bf does this kind of stuff all the time and it keeps our relationship fun and interesting. Give it back to him. He's asking you to be playful.
candyg92 0
Its sad, my bf does the same thing :P lol
blutigenbonbon 10
LOOL.