Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
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Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
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Comments (198)
slipknotz 0
Jokes on him when you start up a conversation down there. Then you realize how much of a better listener it is.
harttyrelly 4
Is it worth it though
leadman1989 16
Jeffrey jr might be a little "hard" of hearing.
noahlazarowski 0
You should do it for loves sake
pichan_fml 11
He doesn't hang about ;-)
RufusCade 7
So how should foreplay be? I bet you insist on having it your way every time, but never has it his. Be a good wife and go down his road once in a while. YDI
ReynshineCutting 10
Exactly this 64! Most guys just don't get it that we can't flip a switch in our heads like they can.
cynicalhumanist 9
Oh, that is utter bullshit. The need for foreplay varies between different individuals and situations. Do you seriously believe a shy, nerdy guy is more direct than a confident woman? That "switch" is (at least in my case) a buildup from checking you out, or for that matter daydreaming.
22cute 17
No, they're right, a woman needs warm up & mood way more than a shy guy. The shy nerdy guy is MORE likely to want to cut straight to the chase because he'd be shaking in anticipation through the kissing. The difference is only that a very confident woman has learned to warm herself up when she wants to.
RufusCade 7
That is a f*cking truck load of BS. If you're not in the mood, just blow the guy once in a while. He will NEVER complain that you're not "in the mood" and when you are, he will do exactly as you please. It is a win-win. "Women don't have a switch...." No, you don't, but noone asked you to turn a switch this time. You may turn the switch when you want the lights off, but not this time, baby. All you're supposed to do is f*cking blow your guy. Nothing else.
sugarkiller_fml 6
Next time get back to him by saying the same thing.
ZielZone 4
Well YOU MARRIED HIM. It was YOUR CHOICE... Suck it up!!!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
She married him, yes, but she can't control his every action. Even the most perfect person for you is bound to do some things that you don't like or agree with. So no, not YDI.
spencerxo 0
If she didn't like everything about why in the world would you get married? Marriage is supposed to be FOREVER. So if you can't handle his foreplay why did you marry him? Y -definitely- DI
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Have you ever BEEN in a relationship? That's some serious stupidity you got there.
Doortje 30
Wave at it, say hello, then leave and start doing other stuff.
MsMeiriona 2
Agreed.
jobsman99 0
Did he buy you knee pads for your birthday, too?
javmuniz87 0
"sucks" to be you...
MissRoxiie 12
You should say goodbye like the aliens in scary movie 3, a good kick in the nuts.