Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML
Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
glowbaby 15
How understanding he is!
smokecloud_ 37
Ouch. Maybe be a little more clear on what you mean by "spontaneous".
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Comments (129)
glowbaby 15
How understanding he is!
Patty410 11
Seems like he understands as much as a Nokia can break.
ThatNutellaTho 6
Buy a Vibrator .
smokecloud_ 37
Ouch. Maybe be a little more clear on what you mean by "spontaneous".
DarksideDoll 31
Maybe beating around the bush wasn't the best approach. Next time you're in the sack, give him a little guidance, & encouragement when he's doing something that'll get you there. :)
MrsDruidess 23
be more clear, if that doest work, take over, and really do it up! let him know what it should be/sound/look like when you finally get there.
Stumphumper 0
Guys don't take polite hints tell him flat out he don't get off until you do.
Dkman 11
I'll agree we don't do hints. But being cold won't either. How bout this, she tells him what she likes? That way he knows. And they both win.
A_Perfect_Circle 12
Hey, at least he is switching it up. Give it a chance!
euphoricness 28
Anal sex is extremely painful. Trust me, I know from experience. Just kidding, or am I....
A_Perfect_Circle 12
Then tell her to prepare the booty lmao
Jemm_fml 29
If anal sex is painful then you're doing something wrong. It is not supposed to hurt.
katties 27
If there's ANY pain at all, you're doing it very very wrong - optimally, there shouldn't even be any discomfort. That's why you need to be able to trust the person doing anything like that to you, and you need to be sure about that he/she knows the theory, which means you need to know the theory too. And, of course, you need to be into it. Otherwise, you're kinda gambling on it.
SaucyGirl106 18
Don't hint. Some guys are bad with hints. and they're not mind readers. Try telling him exactly what turns you on and don't forget positive reinforcement when he does something that really gets you going.
idioticmess 15
i agree with ya #6. some guys are so oblivious to signs and hints. i know my boyfriend is. lol
molliciousj 19
So basically you're saying give him a treat when he does something good. This makes guys sound like dogs...lol...oh wait...
badluckalex 23
43-not all guys are....
strongmomma23 4
never know till you try it:P
rizzkiyoshi 19
not only guys are oblivious to hints. I miss them all the time
123amanda123 14
All these years I thought they were mind readers :/
yuzuru_fml 12
or more like we ignore the hints , we want the girls to tell us which kinds of things they like most and dislike.
issarey95 1
Stop beating around the bush, and tell him flat out!
WolliBolli 23
Thats what he did..
el_mermaid 16
Not sure if this is a dick pun or.......
lex1459 38
Don't hint. Let him know his dick game is weak.
aleximo 18
#8 Harsh, aren't we?
iAlissa 34
#58; The truth hurts. Hopefully it's incentive enough for him to step up his "dick game".
olpally 33
Tell him exactly what you want. Not hinting at what you want, communication is key.
katties 27
"Communication is the key" - agree. It sounds like OP is in this situation in the first place because she's not very good at communicating her wishes
zwhite2712 12
He sounds like an ass.
fakedsincerity 32
I agree with everyone else. How can you expect anyone to do what you like unless you're explicit. People are not mind readers. Or better yet, show him what you like.
cakefete2 31
Not sure if this is what you intended, but i just pictured OP with a strap on like, "This is what i want you to do to me."
TunaFireStarter 16
I highly doubt that is what 11 intended.
fakedsincerity 32
Yeah. No #25. I meant guide his hands where you want them, be vocal about what feels the best. Things like that.