Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML
Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML
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Top comments
zelly05 0
vibrator - 1 you - 0 lol
CitrusGirl 0
quit whining OP. Maybe your girlfriend has better things to do than you
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Comments (118)
iamepiclee 3
@59 stfu u act lk u own this sex talk, just cuz u took a single semster about sex, I bet u took one class and now u think ur a doctor or some bs.
KaintukeeBob 13
No, that was just where I got the figures. I actually took several semesters worth of similar classes. And, of course, several years of experimentation with my partner.
KaintukeeBob 13
Also, I have absolutely no delusions that I may be a doctor - I couldn't do it if I wanted to. What I AM is a geek, and no self-respecting geek can resist speaking up in a useful way on a subject which they know something about.
littlexlion 4
@ 68 Aw, is someone insecure because someone else may know more about sex than you?
MyNameIsInvictus 0
Come to my school, 76! Guys don't what to do with girls, it's like a dog chasing cars! They don't know what to do when they get one. One guy splattered **** all over a girl while they were doing some kinda 69-ing in the hallway. We need a teacher bro.
cindybuzz 5
lol agreed, @59...sex ed does not teach you how to pleasure your partner.
KaintukeeBob 13
Nope. Sex ed doesn't teach you to please your partner. It does, however, teach you how to experiment with your partner in a safe way, and it points out that communication is key. That communication, coupled with a lot of effort, taught me to please my partner. Sex ed taught me to listen to her, how to make sure we weren't going to give each other any diseases (which turned out to be a moot point, since we were both disease-free), and how to keep things like pregnancy and young children from interfering with that effort. We were able to learn what each other like (and more importantly, dislike) and have children when we wanted and were ready.
TheWildRover 3
@74 blowup dolls don't count as a "partner," you're not impressing anybody by pretending to have a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever it is that you are into.
rogerover 19
that is awesome! Use the vibrator together... and it doesn't just have to be put inside someone. Use your imagination. there are many ways to enhance yours and her experience. She sounds like a lotta FUN.
foxy1222 0
steal the condoms and the high heels hehe
Daederoth 10
That my friend, says it all.
sallen0046 4
Forget your life, **** your girlfriend's life. What she buys isn't any of your business. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she already has those things, but instead of being able to use them, her stupid boyfriend is too busy complaining on the internet.
MyLifeIsGreat_ha 0
FYL for being unsatisfying.....
bobsanction 18
Crocs are awesome. Maybe if you spent less time thinking about shoes, and more time learning to please your woman, she wouldn't need a vibrator.
remy3106 10
she mightve bought a vibrator becuz u suck at sex and ur dicks too small
tohaveandtohold 0
looks like u need 2 step up ur game buddy so therefore ydi