Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML
Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML
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Top comments
zelly05 0
vibrator - 1 you - 0 lol
CitrusGirl 0
quit whining OP. Maybe your girlfriend has better things to do than you
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Comments (118)
imhowie 2
I guess we know which of the brothers is better in bed now.
mizjazzibabi 0
yay.!!! I moderated this.!
bishhitsandii 3
Maybe she wants to use the vibrator on you? O:
dacho 7
lol, I was just gonna say something like that. maybe it's not an FML after all ;D
CitrusGirl 0
quit whining OP. Maybe your girlfriend has better things to do than you
BallinJ 0
whats the big deal here? my ex used to buy ****** and vibrators. who cares.
jumpinurpants 0
dude, crocs suck ass.
Millyval16 0
Maybe his is too small XD ydi...
KaintukeeBob 13
Actually, only 30% of women can actually ****** from simple vaginal sex. The majority of women require clitoral stimulation, which the vibrator provides (even when inserted vaginally). Simillarly, beyond 3 inches, the ****** has no nerve endings, and thus cannot feel pleasure (only pressure as other things are shifted slightly by the inserted object. Therefore, it is unlikely that any human phallus can be to small (length-wise) to please a woman. Girth-wise is a different story, of course, but that's not what's being discussed here. Furthermore, many couples find it worthwhile to include vibrators and other toys in their intimate activities, as opposed to using them as replacements for said activities. There's a reason they're called marital 'aides' instead of 'sex replacements'. Congrats, OP, on having a SO who understands her own needs, and (presumably, since you were made aware of her purchases) intends to help you fill them, rather than seeking out someone else to do so.
illmatic2 16
o_O Thanks for the wonderful sex talk. Nice pic btw.
kablaamee 2
That's what I meant to say....
KaintukeeBob 13
I'm an adult who is interested in sex, who wants to please my partner, and who has studied. A single semester in US college-level sex ed teaches all of this.
manofdoom 0
u realize the longer it is the wider it is if ur small means ur thin a wider **** stimulates more
lonesomeXheartbr 0
thanks dr. drew
QueenPersephone 9
90- Longer doesn't mean wider. Haven't you ever heard the term pencil dick?
damn_it_damn_it 0
You must be a man. or maybe I'm just one of the lucky 30%.
Elenachka 0
I'm guessing it's a man, too. Three inches?
EROD78 0
Yur not giving her What she wants/needs!
a_nicole11 0
what's so bad about that , maybe she likes the vibrator more than your dick (:
hereforthehour01 0
im guessing you like it better as well, then again you look like you dont get too much dick, so you prolly dont know the difference (:
Team_Los 0
ahahahhahahahahahahahahahah ooooohemmgeee I was thinking the same thing !
MrM420 0
roflmfao
tairii 0
What's the FML here? I'm not seeing it.
Anaxes 5
The OP has an FML worthy title for he has a girlfriend that willingly purchases crocs. It's also a FML on the brother's part because he's related to someone who didn't immediately dump his girlfriend for wanting crocs. It's also an FML on the brother's girlfriend because she's dating someone related to someone who didn't immediately dump his girlfriend for wanting crocs. When he dies and someone looks at the family tree, it will be an FML for them too for being descended from the line of someone who didn't dump his girlfriend for wanting crocs. That person's wife will also have an FML because she's married to "one of those".