Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML
Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, it's been twelve years, seven months, and fifteen days since my wife has wanted sex. She was drunk. She no longer drinks. Guess my name is Job now and I have to be patient. FML
Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML
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Top comments
Nalanie 4
Woah OP; sucks for you. Not literally; of course.
Cinn_fml 23
And this is what happens when you have kids, you both become very busy and have to try and fit it in with unexpected interuptions and little time. Just try extra hard to find the time when you're both up for it. Either that or you're complaining because she hasn't tried to initiate it, in which case try yourself.
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Comments (92)
Sparkiee93 3
Oh wow FYL for sure. As a girl, she seriously shouldn't treat you that way... I don't know man.... that just sucks.
guitar0501 0
divorce :)
lol32360 0
hahaha
meteor_stream 9
This is one of the reasons why I'm never gonna have kids (along with many, many others). I'd hate anything that would limit my time with my significant other half, and I know a whole bunch of relatively young couples who don't even have sex anymore after they had a child. FYL OP, I seriously hope your wife starts paying you more attention D:
ishama13 0
Or you're gay?
El_patron 0
I'm 18 and a v. what's ur point? I'm not bad looking just don't want to **** a ****. i want a good girl =)
kile88 2
60 I think you're missing the point
Jizwold 0
60 I hope ur picture is reflective of ur personality because that would make u a genuinely awesome person
Quest_ 13
60 is a closet misogynist. Discuss.
Doubtful_Judge 23
130: No, you're just being a dick towards someone who chooses to not have sex.
deidre823 7
Dude that sucks!! I have a 7.5 month old little boy & we have sex AT LEAST 3 times a week!! We started back having sex EXACTLY 6 weeks after I'd had him. Tell her it's her job whether she's in the mood or not!! There's been plenty of times I haven't been in the mood, but I sure get there quick!! Wife= Sex, food, & clean house. If she says something about not being in the mood, just say "Well you don't have to be in the mood to give me head. Get to it, oh wife of mine."
Cinn_fml 23
Please tell me you don't simply believe that "wife=sex, food & clean house" and that you are joking/kidding with that particular phrase.
boopityboppity 11
It's "her job, whether she's in the mood or not"? Being a wife is not an occupation. Wives are not mindless machines (hopefully); they aren't required to obey.
nikkired 0
Thanks for the heads up. girlfriend = sex,dining out, sex ,it's his house so he cleans , sex more sex.
alexFYL 11
@61 cool story bro
SunshineBoy21 0
Mistress = sex + more sex + dinner in + she cleans her own house.
ninjala 10
...are you guys serious? If you want to live a life where you can always have a girl to f***, GO GET A HAREM!!! GEEZ!!! Marriage isnt completely about the intimacy!!! And you shouldn't degrade girls as having their only role in marriage being to be f***ed up! I seriously hate you sexist people.
Pb25797051 0
you are the only sexist person here my standing ovation-if you mind oh and yes sex is extremely important you're obivously a virign you virgin
ilikebigtits 0
haha that's ****** hilarious
dubstep87 0
you better leave now! dont make it worse for yourself. confront her about it!!!