Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, thinking maybe she could spare 5 minutes of her time and requires no work at all, I asked my wife for a handjob. She said no and told me I can “do it yourself.” FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML
Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
It's really been more than a year, because finishing off a handie doesn't really count. When was the last time you had real sex with your roommate?
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Comments (1)
RichardPencil 32
It's really been more than a year, because finishing off a handie doesn't really count. When was the last time you had real sex with your roommate?