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rj Goddard, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

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A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

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Top comments

Il_Maestro 6

Either she cheated or I would recommend seeing a doctor about your memory.

linkinpark98 24

MAURY!

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Comments (288)

Il_Maestro 6

Either she cheated or I would recommend seeing a doctor about your memory.

godisnowhere41 5

Drunken stupor?

OriginalimoaN 15

After a year of no sex I would recommend seeing someone you would bang.

CaramelMacchiato 13

^ By "last year" OP probably means five months ago.

iLickRainbows 2

15- Or marriage counseling.

Cuppycakeslol 4

I think op needs a doctor with a tardis.

kyarush 10

I hope your a white couple and the baby is black. Mama loves her some chocolate lol

tehaustiebear 34

The real FML here is that he hasn't had sex in a year.

yankfan89 27

OP maybe she drugged you with you when you were sleeping

NeatNit 33

Well maybe you should treat your wife like a woman and make love every once in a while?

shift_love 13

Maybe he has sexaomnia and did her in his sleep. It happens. I saw a tv show about it lol.

rocker_chick105 31

15- not everyone marries just for sex

happle 21

If you haven't had sex for that long, it shouldn't be a surprise that your wife cheated on you. Not that I'm justifying it, that's still a shitty thing for her to do.

SloppyFlamingo 4

156) Well yeah, but sex is a big part of marriage. If they haven't had sex in over a year then there's most likely something wrong.

rocker_chick105 31

204- well not necessarily, people have their reasons. I mean in this case we can tell what the reason is, but it all depends on the couple and how they feel about it.

JasonEP 3

156/206 You are too young. Say whatever you want, people have sex. And people get married wanting to have sex. Sex is a big factor in how a marriage is going and that's something they will even ask you if they were to go to marriage counseling. So you don't really know what you are talking about when it comes to that. Not trying to be rude

tjv3 10

Well that should help with you winning in the divorce

herrnyberg 7

Are you and idiot?

gurly98 13

I think you have amnesia my friend...

RedPillSucks 33

That's what she said. *runs and hides from mob with pitchforks*

llamafish 25

Hey, where did 59 go? I wanted to test out my new pitchfork :(

ripresno 10

Screw pitchforks, I'm bringing an axe.

OhDearBetrayal 25

This reminds me of Al Bundy from Married with Children... He could just have a sneaky and sex-starved wife who rapes him with he's passed out.

A83_fml 18

Narcolepsy.

RedPillSucks 33

Pseudo necrophilia

SousapCody 6

Doesn't matter, had sex. Oh wait... Hahaha.

PrimeEvilTahir 24

There are few conclusions we can come up with: 1- op has amnesia 2- op deserves it cuz he hadn't had sex for a year (woman needs action) 3- if op didn't have sex with her for a year he might be getting it on somewhere else. Then still op deserves it 4- Op is probably on a job that doesn't allow him to be with his wife for a year. Then poor op his wife should stay committed to him.FYL

simonsaysYDI 8

...Or maybe his wife never always pulled the, "I have a headache" card because SHE was getting some on the side. And the side dish got her knocked up. you people and trying to pin it all on the OP :(

AliceLockehart 18

The FML said since last year. There's always a chance the baby is his & she's 5 months pregnant. My Mum didn't know about her last one til she was 6 months.

klovemachine 24

Lol 135 :D

j_cat187 20

#2 I have a feeling alcohol was involved.

mcinnesandrew 6

I think that b**** cheated on you my friend*

Neorecon19 18

Don't you love double standards?

GirlOnFire143 6

That sucks, OP :(

onlychildFTW 34

Well time to ask her some inquiring questions about her sex life. She could have cheated. Or you could not remember. When she's later in the pregnancy do a DNA test to see!

1awliet 8

And that's why it's an FML.

Michaelsgirl04 9

DNA tests are possible before the baby is born via an amniocentesis. it's the same way they test for possible birth defects or complications

GothicAngel17 24

They don't do them here in aus before birth either, as the procedure is too dangerous to the unborn child. Why risk your child's life before its even born just for a damn DNA test?

Dominodev 3

I bet she remembers it...

SqueakyChipmunk 22

Op's girlfriend: Guess who lost their virginity? YOU DID!

SkateboardGirl88 11

Uh-oh

ghirahim 5

Doesn't matter, had sex ..?....HAHAHAHA

linkinpark98 24

MAURY!

nofearjenshere 12

You are NOT the father.

linkinpark98 24

Crowd: "OOooooohhhhh!"

Sinamoi 18

*Backstage crying*

icallbullshit 3

*Backstage fondling of crying woman by maury*

OhDearBetrayal 25

*Guy walks around with big smirk on his face because now he doesn't have to worry about child support and her cheating was exposed.*

tmbfan 11

*Guy starts dancing like a boss because he's not the father.*

shift_love 13

Wow. This comment was used already by sailorzoe a few fmls ago. Way to be original BRA lol

j_cat187 20

*Grandmother with a disappointed look on her face.

badass243 6

get out now buddy, this chicks a *****

jannielovesjack 0

Not necessarily....

kamikrazy 6

You can't just assume his wife is a *****... Maybe he just has bad memory.

cosmosis 12

RAPE!! ... It could happen.

DeadxManxWalking 27

I can see why she cheated. (If that's really the case)

challan 19

I don't understand why you were thumbed down. Yea, they are married and she shouldn't cheat, but no contact for a year? That's unacceptable unless you've been injured or sick.

esines 9

Maybe it's her fault they never have sex. If it was the other way around everyone would be grabbing their torches and pitchforks while yelling "Burn the man *****!!". She shouldn't resort to cheating on him, she should talk to him about it.

onlychildFTW 34

This is the whole double standard thing again about hat women can do and what men can do. Seems very common on this site. Just because they haven't had sex in a year it doesn't make it OKAY to cheat.

challan 19

I wasn't giving a double standard. In fact, I believe I have a male perspective when it comes to sex. For example in my last relationship, I was always the aggressor, and my sex drive was three times what his was. However, I did not cheat on him. I would never cheat on any spouse/partner that I was committed to. I would leave the relationship! I repeat... A year with no physical contact is unacceptable.

KrazyKatz3 26

Of course that doesn't make cheating okay but like come on...a year??? Why????

diamond69_fml 14

Wow, split time.

Briiyahh 7

Not good not good....

shagoon 2

You don't say