Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I was sitting on my 70 year-old grandmother's bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen, it started vibrating. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
"MOM! Your new lipstick tastes funny!"
6sick6 4
"Mom, why does your lipstick taste like a ******?" "How do you know what a ****** tastes like?" ..Awkward silence..
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Comments (119)
DocBastard 40
"MOM! Your new lipstick tastes funny!"
hiloman500 0
win
Marvin_Android 0
Sounds awful. Your poor, ignorant mother. Trying to pursue but a bit of temporary pleasure in an otherwise miserable, pointless existence. At least she's intelligent enough to depend on a machine instead of another organic being; those just let you down every time. Life. Don't talk to me about life.
GreatGeak 8
rofl!!!!
SmallTownCutie 0
Doc- More like, "Eww, MOM! Why does this lipstick taste like gooey fish??" >:-)
wwerulez14 6
Doc, the mental picture of that is priceless. Well, when you imagine OP as an 8 year old, the mental picture is priceless.
besosforme 26
Ewwww, bad visual!
MissLizWolf 8
56: you killed it.
iluffmcrandbvb 1
nothings wrong with masturbating? whats up ur ass?
JustFreakingFant 0
108- It's the fact that OP had thought it was lipstick and was going to use it. And besides, I'm sure if you found out your mom was masturbating you'd be a bit disgusted .
thatoneguy500 8
Are you high or just emo
mayumm 0
yummy.
Bcfrmkc816 17
Mayum I bet you are tasty
Life_is_FML 22
You've got some face on your makeup.
Success4444 12
Why in the world would anyone want to share lipstick with their mother!? You never know where it's been! Hopefully you remember this lesson!
6sick6 4
"Mom, why does your lipstick taste like a ******?" "How do you know what a ****** tastes like?" ..Awkward silence..
FlameingDuncecap 3
**awkward turtle**
stewpididiot 11
hahahahaha!
olarvman 5
#60 win!
sweetbitchx 0
LOL
Herox 0
awkward moment
Driftz 3
And you picked it up why.
QwertyMcNugget 0
That's the best panda I've ever seen. O.O
SouthernKid1995 0
um wow. Mom your lipstick is vibrating. mom:.........
TheUnknown_fml 9
is it that small you mistook it for vibrator? 0.o
allmidnighteyes 11
It was probably a clitoral stimulator. Not every vibrator is designed with the purpose of being shoved in and out of a ******.
whoopyouupsideyo 0
they make little vibrators to look like lipstick because some women like to get kinky during the day.
besosforme 26
I know they make PocketRockets and such, but since when have vibrators had caps on them??
Pauline96_fml 20
Do you really want a vibrator loose in your purse after being used?!
gigilvrs6 0
Let's just hope you found out before you tried it out. If you didn't, well let's just say you will be going through the whole day smelling like fish. ;)
wwerulez14 6
OP's Boyfriend: "Hey, why does your lips smell like a ******?" OP: "I don't wanna talk about it...."
kobebryant100 5
your very pretty gigi :)
Judus_beej 0
just tell the boyfriend you f&$&'n love fish dicks!
Anndres 0
daayyyuumm
bethan1 4
Just be glad it started to vibrate before you tried putting it on;)
shortystar_fml 0
agreed
val68_fml 0
funny, there was the exact same FML on the french site yesterday...
Sirin_fml 47
It's part of the FML exchange program; VDM gets some of FML's submissions, and vice-versa.
val68_fml 0
Ok ! I saw this exange program but in the french site there was a note with the VDM saying it was a translation from the FML site. That's was I was doubtful, sorry !