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FMyLife
nick Palm Desert, United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

141

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Same thing different taste

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Top comments

jtthegr8 26

Condoms... Always handy

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Comments (141)

PunsY0 5

Just get her a great gift and act like you new. Trust me know one will ever notice.

realSlimjimShady 7

What she's already like 19. Kinda difficult to just show up with a gift.

DogsPaw 16

knew* no* I felt entitled to let you know, I am not a grammar nazi. Irony is no one will notice the gift, but we will notice those backwards spelling errors.

slurshies 11

surprise!!

Field_hockey 6

Next time think about protecting that up.

botanistjessica 24

Protecting that up?

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

41. not sure if derp face or just.. ah **** it.

jetsown08 21

Uhm, you can't just act like you knew you had a daughter when you didn't actually know. I don't think it works that way

I_lost_the_game 25

13- Nowhere does it say she's 19.

Zomg_Okay 27

56 - He forgot the "if". He was saying "What if she is already, like, 19?". The point he was making is that the daughter he just found out about could be a year old or twenty (or more) years old. If she's older, it's not like he can just pop in and act like he's known her since she was born.

AClassActx3 7

The grammar >_

elmousey 5

Furthermore, if she was older why would he want to pretend he's known about her all along? That would just make him seem like a deadbeat. "Hey I'm your dad and although I've known about you your whole life I didn't want or care to see you until now." Vs. telling the truth "Hey I'm your dad I just learned of your existence. I'm sorry I haven't been in your life yada yada bla bla."

BradTheBrony 19

#68 The grammar is greater than underscore? Can't say I disagree, but why are we talking about usernames?

asleepingbear 8

Your profile pic goes well with you"re comment somewhat

jtthegr8 26

Condoms... Always handy

IOmnomHard 10

Or if you don't want to risk a broken condom... Hand! Always...handy?

ladyLALAA 29

No glove, no love!

patrickalamo 48

If your gonna tap it make sure you wrap it.

jtthegr8 26

15- hands are usually handy...

RacerX1695 1

Cover before you love her

IOmnomHard 10

Hence the joke. :)

leprechaun23 15

Dont be silly cover your willy Cover your stump before you hump

onlychildFTW 34

Getting a girl pregnant is a bad idea. Getting a woman you're in love with pregnant is a good idea, as long as you both want kids.

tygerarmy 35

I saved 15% on my child support payments by switching to condoms.

peter27 0

OP obviously didn't have any condoms handy when he needed them...

auzz1_pride 9

2) you do know condoms prevent pregnancy by 99.99% So there is always that 0.01 chance that he did use a condom

Goldenchest 14

64 - if you're not saving 100% you're doing something wrong -_-

darkmis1 18

67: Actually it's the pill that prevents pregnancy by 99.99%. A condom prevents it by 95%.

doctorhook86 25

Use condom + pill. CONDOM + PILL, every damn time. It's just the safest way to do it.

nado13579 12

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool!

mduffy08 8

I prefer the good old shirt hanger.

grrrrmetigers 0

birth control... also handy(:

McNerdyNerd 8

67-actually not all the time haha..my bro was a lucky kid who was concieved even though they used condoms AND the pill AND the doc said my mom couldn't get preggo. Some things are meant to be XD

BenL97 5

You're pretty luck as well, considering your mom was also able to get pregnant with you.

xmaximusx 12

You wanna come for a boat ride ?

withered 30

You did not major in statistics, did you?

SierraaaNicoleee 26

Surprise!!

blaackandprouud 20

Everyone asks me why I hate surprises, this is why. You never know what shit is gonna happen.

MDTeddy 13

The surprize is that someone is mistaking Op for someone else. Anyone who is anyone would know if they came inside or not.

kayliers 5

Worst surprise ever.

GRubi 17

Well I hope she is younger rather than older! At least you'll have more birthdays with her that way.

b0ngs 7

not necessarily.

ajeyness 10

I guess they forgot to tell you... Surprise!

I_lost_the_game 25

How can someone forget to tell you that they have a child? It would usually be the first thing to do, unless they don't want the parent to know.

Lovebug105 0

Way to be an awesome parent.

GRubi 17

Um... yeah. Kind of hard to be an awesome parent when you don't know you are one...

qazxfhhfyubchk 5

It's not his fault he didn't know!

RoperGirl203 9

Uh yeah actually it is his fault. Maybe if he were to, oh I don't know, maybe use a condom? He wouldn't have to worry about this. If you're going to go around ******* girls, be safe or stay in touch.

raraisbang 12

Or, 104, maybe the mom was an ass and chose not to tell him (perhaps it was a bad breakup or something of the sort), and then later he found out somehow. Assumptions, assumptions.

ohmandapants 17

Yeah 104, because condoms never fail right? If the mom never let him know, was he magically supposed to guess that she was pregnant? Not all of us have psychic powers.

xmaximusx 12

Thumbs down lol

purplenerple8 6

Surprise!

skoob1 12

you're an original one...

BradTheBrony 19

Of course he is! He used ONE exclamation point instead of two!

Herculesninja27 5

DNA test is always good haha

IOmnomHard 10

Okay, I'll jump on the bandwagon here...SURPRISE!

fernclogger 5

Amnesia???

GroovyGravy 7

Just because op forgot one thing doesn't mean he has amnesia