Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML
Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, it's been twelve years, seven months, and fifteen days since my wife has wanted sex. She was drunk. She no longer drinks. Guess my name is Job now and I have to be patient. FML
Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML
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Top comments
Nalanie 4
Woah OP; sucks for you. Not literally; of course.
Cinn_fml 23
And this is what happens when you have kids, you both become very busy and have to try and fit it in with unexpected interuptions and little time. Just try extra hard to find the time when you're both up for it. Either that or you're complaining because she hasn't tried to initiate it, in which case try yourself.
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Comments (92)
Cinn_fml 23
...Wtf? Have I missed something, CanucksFTW? You seem to be repeating what the OP said and yet you're calling him an idiot.
j_jetson_s 1
Yeah, WTF? As I understand it, OP hasn't had sex with his wife since conceiving the child. That's 9 months between conception and birth. And then he's adding another year since the kid was born. That's 9 months and 1 year, AKA 1 year and 9 months. Are you simple?
Lacrosse00 0
ladies take note. men use sex to maintain love. If your in a relationship and you dont put out. Your man WILL CHEAT!
boopityboppity 11
*Presses thumbs down repeatedly*
Cinn_fml 23
Lacrosse you know that for fact, do you? You know that every single man in the world is like you (assuming of course that you fit your own statement), because you must have met every single man in this world... I find this difficult to believe.
DocBastard 40
Believe it, Cinn. He was at my house earlier this evening making his way through Namibia. He said he was on to Zaire next, followed by the European countries. Then Australia tomorrow, and he's all done!
Cinn_fml 23
Oh, fair enough, Doc. :P And don't worry, Pen, I did exactly the same thing. Zkornovich - *you're, *you (x3) and a whole host of missing commas and capitalisations etc. However back to your point, I never said that sex shouldn't be part of a relationship, I just had objection to the fact that all men would cheat in the face of a dry spell. Basically I was objecting to the generalisation. But surely a real man (as you so put it) would bring it up with his significant other before attempting to get it elsewhere. Communication is a two way street, the significant other can't be expected to be psychic, so it's always best to talk about a problem because the other might not know it's there.
DocBastard 40
Zkornovich is obviously not a real man. A real man stands by his spouse through anything and everything. Sorry pal, I'm a real man, and there is nothing on God's green Earth that would make me cheat on my wife. I feel sorry for yours (if you have/ever get one).
boopityboppity 11
125 is a detriment to the betterment of society... and a traitor! Take him away!
Cinn_fml 23
Fair enough, Pen, I was thinking maybe CanucksFTW had managed to stray into/out of an alternative universe (where the OP muddled his figures) and we were seeing the possibility of being able to bridge the gaps between said universes... I knew that was wishful thinking. :P
tati3092 1
dude how can u still be with her if u haven't had sex for a year and 9 months holy crap um well u could always semi rape her haha not literally though that's bad but tell her that u want to make love with her :)
momo1972 3
someone's calendar reads a different date for the same event
cocktailpeanut 3
time to start bangin someone else! You have needs.
Angejolie 0
Dude, you can always rape her. If she's into that kind of thing then it's a win-win situation. If not, at least you'll get laid. Rotfl
ChiefLancaster 0
Really? Since conception?? You need to get some,, have you tried to talk with her?? then when she starts to talk, just stuff it in her mouth,, tell her she cant get prego this way... LOL
deviable 9
maybe she did you in your sleep.