Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML
Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, it's been twelve years, seven months, and fifteen days since my wife has wanted sex. She was drunk. She no longer drinks. Guess my name is Job now and I have to be patient. FML
Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML
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Top comments
Nalanie 4
Woah OP; sucks for you. Not literally; of course.
Cinn_fml 23
And this is what happens when you have kids, you both become very busy and have to try and fit it in with unexpected interuptions and little time. Just try extra hard to find the time when you're both up for it. Either that or you're complaining because she hasn't tried to initiate it, in which case try yourself.
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Comments (92)
bethan1 4
You said the last time you had sex with your wife but is it the last time you had sex at all? I get the feeling you're not telling the whole story....
pizzle012345 0
Wait, does anyone know if you can bang your wife when she is pregnant? What happens? HELP
boopityboppity 11
You can, but only if you dance for the volcano gods and sacrifice a goat. Otherwise, they will smite you.
pizzle012345 0
But will she get another baby form in the ovaris?
milf762010 0
Sex during pregnancy is safe and towards the end is encouraged because the fluids in seman help with labor
bethan1 4
NO!! The baby will grab onto your penis and pull you inside. You'll be stuck in there until she gives birth:(
pizzle012345 0
OH NO!!!! the fetus will grab my junk?
KingDingALing 9
Yes, you didn't know that? When you have sex with a pregnant woman then you are also having sex with the baby. It's technically incest.
milf762010 0
seman helps soften the cervics. At least my doctor telled me that.
Sirin_fml 47
Did he also tell you how to spell? HAHAHAHA!
DocBastard 40
Pizzle, either you have the best poker face in the world, or there is a village somewhere desperately missing its idiot.
c8750 2
Haha,Doc. I was wondering how old Pizzle could possibly be if he/she really didn't know this
WhatTheFuq 0
Lmao. one of the funniest things I've read in ages.
WhatTheFuq 0
My message was meant for 27s comment.
annigotammo 1
yes it's fine. it's actually good for labor.
ygdrassil 17
You can have sex all right, but is that really what you want to be the first thing your child sees?
AthinaMarie 0
Lmao funniest comments I have seen so far xD made my night.
milf762010 0
That sucks. True, once the baby is here your sex life changes but theres no need for it to completely stop. My son is 4 months old and my boyfriend and i still have a healthy love life. Is she on some form of birth control? She may be afraid of getting pregnant again too soon. Maybe she does feel confortable undressed around you post baby body? You need to have a discussion with her and see what the issue is, because it maybe something as simple as her needing assurance you still find her attractive
addmonkey 1
as we all know women can be a little nuts. possible causes feels fat and disgusting so doesn't want to have sex(mental) or She never really liked sex and was using you to have a kid and now that she got what she really wanted you are screwed obviously not literally. looks like it's divorce or escort massage parlor time or the slow painful road of working through her mental problems
thatguy_91 4
maybe you should try "retracting" your comment instead of "extracting" it. the difference may be subtle, but it's there.
dPhaT_BoYp 0
you should get it on tonight!
RufusCade 7
There are no excuses for someone to treat their spouse in that way. Be a man and tell her that either you get some or you go somewhere else for it. Either you eat in or you eat out. Can't go without eating... FYL
easwhitey 0
To everyone saying jack off. I'm almost sure he has. A year and 9 months has to be unhealthy to hold that much fluid. With that said sometimes jacking off isn't enough.
DjeePee 25
I'm thinking about inventing a FML-song about communication. Could be usefull.
perdix 31
She's probably getting it elsewhere. You should have been screwing during most of her pregnancy, and resumed a few weeks after she delivered, with many ******** in between. I'm sure your wife has no respect for you since she can't decide which is more limp, your dick or your spine.
aekkoukla 0
love the name, OP.
califormula 0
ouch