Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML
Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML
Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML
Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML
Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML
Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it wasn't my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it wasn't my sister either, she said, "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML
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Top comments
booze_n_bitches 37
Excusable because she's senile: but if any commenters start a debate on abortion....well, just don't.
nix1993 41
A few months ago my Grandma tried to drown my black cat because he walked under a ladder that my Dad was up. Nothing happened, but apparently the fact that he was called 'Lucky' was 'ironic proof that he was the anti-christ'. Senility sucks.
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Comments (25)
Yolomcswaggin420 17
I guess you shouldn't "abort" the idea the she is still senile
1dvs_bstd 41
No.
UncleCaitlyn 21
That was bad and you should feel bad
Miss_Whipped 43
This is a classic example of someone who landed first comment and tried way too hard to be witty. Your first mistake was attempting to make a pun. Your second was putting "quotations" around it.
FR4GTP 6
cut it out with the abortion jokes.
booze_n_bitches 37
Excusable because she's senile: but if any commenters start a debate on abortion....well, just don't.
ptoka 20
Abortion is an all right alternative depending on the circumstances... Mmmkay (couldn't help it)
drrobotnik1 18
but random inappropriate comments sections on the internet are the only places left to talk about abortion.
calerino 8
If you plant a seed and dig it up again, did you cut down a tree?
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Yes because comparing Humans to plants is entirely acceptable.
booze_n_bitches 37
#38 and #40 WHAT DID I JUST SAY. Go to your room and think about what you've just done.
alex_jaguara 33
Ok, let's raise kids in unloving families or unable to care for them, let's overcrowd foster homes, ruin the teenage mom's life. Surely better option than abortion.
jlang917 14
She was mistaken, and she is senile, so I wouldn't take it too hard OP!
Kaos_Yggdrasil 7
lol FYL she is senile :/
snackfood0 15
Wow, what a ray of sunshine.
Koalax3 18
It's alright you're not the only one with a senile grandma, mine for example thinks I'm a demon, because I was born on the same date as her husbands death and tells me so constantly
GrumpyGrinch 23
Would it be better or worse if she decides that you are the soul of that same husband returned to her?
VeganDarkLight 31
Oh wow, I feel you. My granddad always asks me if I'm a member of a sect, his reason being that I like to wear black. We just gotta love them nonetheless, who knows if we're gonna end up like this ourselves one day.
sh07 28
Well, she is senile...
PharmacyJoe 13
That's when you tearfully look at her and say "But Grandma, this is only my third one!" Then leave while she had a conniption fit.
semitoundboss 4
That's amazing. OP and anyone else that has this problem should do that.
soullyfe 33
Kind of hard to do over the phone.
PharmacyJoe 13
Whoops, forgot that part, 20. My bad. Pretend you're going through a tunnel, instead? :)
theaaxis 27
It's the tearfully looking at her that is impossible over the phone m'dear!
classicsparkles 17
How many comments before the comments get shut down?
nix1993 41
A few months ago my Grandma tried to drown my black cat because he walked under a ladder that my Dad was up. Nothing happened, but apparently the fact that he was called 'Lucky' was 'ironic proof that he was the anti-christ'. Senility sucks.
sailorsaturn10 5
>_> not gonna lie but I would have slapped someone if they tried to do that to my cat.