Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
wildocean 5
Contest conflict of interest. And thanks for your service. It's appreciated.
luckyluke2000 2
Isn't that a conflict of interest? Use ur skills and fight th3 system!
vorspiel 17
Oh gosh I feel awful for you, the Westboro Baptist Church are lunatics o__o
missnuthin 10
You can do it man. It is possible to explain that the group legally has freedom of speech, while never denying that they are the biggest a-holes around. Heck, go full bore and talk in excruciating detail about how this group is the primary example of how freedom of speech has to be a blanket right, that if horrid people like these had their freedom of speech shut down, where would it stop? Who would be next? I would jump on this assignment with claw and fang fully extended.
magnetoo 4
"Free speech" only matters for defending unpopular opinions.
Prophet710 2
Boy isn't that the truth.
kiraleann 16
Those ass clowns just protested at a military funeral that was just held in my town a few weeks ago. It pisses me off to no end that there are people out there who think that doing such a thing is acceptable, and I'm sorry to hear that you have to pretend to defend them for your paper, but that's one of those things about being a lawyer. If you want to get paid you'll have to take cases you don't want.
LarryLaDouche 13
That sucks uneducated Kansas inbred dick OP Bite the bullet man
NigerianMedicine 11
Shit. That has to suck. Thank-you for your service
RachelSaurusRex 3
I hate the westboro people >.>
unlucky90 4
**** Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church