Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, a guy hit my car, and I threatened to sue him after he started the conversation rudely. He told me to go ahead, because he doesn’t have any money or a job anyway, then because from his perspective he had nothing else really to lose, he kicked my ass. FML
Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML
Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, after the opportunity for a little malicious compliance came my way, and I did exactly what my prick boss told me to do, knowing it would screw him over in about a week, it happened. Unfortunately, he has a good legal team and he just successfully sued me for £100,000. I may have to sell my house. FML
Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should sue him for getting violent and messing up your office. And then you should sue him for trying to force you to take a frivolous case. And then you should sue him for threatening you!
SkoomaKi 28
I'm willing to bet this guy is old. Old people just have a natural thing for complaining. We give them a nice retirement home and a phone call once a month, what could they complain about?
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Comments (164)
furfantasies 0
Well thats unfortunate
OhDearBetrayal 25
Is it really? I hadn't noticed.
SliceOfCake 9
That's why this website is called FML, derp.
siickman 7
Wow great first comment. How much effort did you put to come up with this one? :)
SliceOfCake 9
That's why this was posted on FML, derp.
SliceOfCake 9
No idea why this got posted twice.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
1- It IS called FML... Nice try on trying to get the first comment, though.
SydMadrid 0
For real dough. Bet you feel special rite now...
evig_fml 16
*eye twitch at 32*
NuTrees 9
Relax. The dudes obviously a nut. Congrats OP for having a sound mind
OHai15 12
Op, just wonderin........is the neighbor that is being sued last name, Dinkleberg?......
Grammar_Nazi01 5
Sue him for assault without provocation.
RegenaGeorge 0
Lol he's so damb!! That's ur first amendment rights not civil rights because that's a war lol
MedKits 9
97- Your mistakes are two fold. First off, damb? Really? That really wasn't the best mistake to be making on FML. Second, civil is short for civilian. Civilian rights are rights guaranteed to us by the constitution. It wasn't just a 'war'.
Kony12 0
Take him to court you are a lawyer afterall so you could watch him make a fool of himself. Or you could just go to his neighbor, find out why he called him a pansy ( probably provoked) and sue your original client in a small (very small) claims court.
ladyLALAA 29
10- I want you inside of me...
GoingToBeAPilot1 6
I was thinkin something else at 130's comment until I saw 10's picture.
gurly98 13
(sesame street music) This first comment was brought to you by The color gray And the letters s-t-u-p-i-d
aaliyahsagirah 5
Wow... I've never seen a true moron this up close before.
primadonna9396 16
I voted FYL despite the fact that making real decent money probably compensates (or will compensate, if you're new) for the obscene amount of stupidity you see in your line of work. GOD BLESS AMERICA
SkoomaKi 28
I'm willing to bet this guy is old. Old people just have a natural thing for complaining. We give them a nice retirement home and a phone call once a month, what could they complain about?
Cad6 24
Going to the bathroom.
evig_fml 16
Being left behind technology wise? As well as a teenage population that cares nothing for them? Not only that but the fact that they themselves had to worship their grandparents as gods and were probably banking on themselves being treated the same way. Well what do I know anyway! Just correct me if I'm wrong
bitch_pleez 10
44, consider yourself corrected.
DocBastard 40
Evig - We didn't "worship" our grandparents, we merely respected them. I don't advocate fawning over people unnecessarily, but if someone deserves respect, they should get it. Conversely, if someone acts like an ass, he deserves to be ridiculed, something you should know plenty about.
evig_fml 16
*vanishes in a puff of green smoke*
ILoveMyXbox 0
I didn't really see anything wrong with what Evig said that would make him look like an ass and know what it's like to be ridiculed. I may have mistaken your comment though Doc, it's 3AM. If not then explain why he's an ass for what he said please :o
efemel94 7
Why is docbastard always angry?
SLKBlack96 5
Some people just can't take criticism these days...
retardslo 0
Yeah. Americans can't take it. They have to she
GMS1 7
*sue
DocBastard 40
You should sue him for getting violent and messing up your office. And then you should sue him for trying to force you to take a frivolous case. And then you should sue him for threatening you!
llamafish 25
And then you should sue him for being a pansy.
SkoomaKi 28
This plan is great! It's just we need evidence. The wrecking of the office might not be strong enough, any ideas?
OhDearBetrayal 25
23- His IQ and opinions should be enough.
OhDearBetrayal 25
The app loaded in an odd fashion, which is why I used the wrong number... Basically I was referring to the eye. Oh the mass swarm of numerous thumbing-down, may it commence now.
Heinousness 0
I would find it ironic if OP sued this guy for most of those reasons. Trashing an office is something to sue for
Demonfish 14
Call his bluff, even if it isn't a bluff. It sounds to me, like he wouldn't have a decent case against the OP even if by some miracle he managed to find a lawyer as unhinged as him. But I know very little about the law beyond the fundamentals (killing is bad, stealing is bad, etc.)
evig_fml 16
And then you should sue him for being sued by you!
llamafish 25
42 - Killing is bad? Oh... Completely unrelated note, does anyone know the best place to hide several bodies?
SkoomaKi 28
49 - Ask Siri, she's been known to know several locations...
Axipiter 24
Just hide them under some floorboards. But pay no attention to any odd thumping noises.
forthelove82 7
49- Page 2 of Google's search results.
MsMeiriona 2
Salt marsh will dissolve it pretty quick, as decomposition goes.
shutupanddance 0
And THEN you should sue him for being an ass!
Demonfish 14
49- yes, but I'm not telling you, because it's my hiding place, and you can't have it :)
RedJester23 6
94- Nice Edgar Allen Poe reference. Everyone else, you can't sue someone for a lot of things, such as threatening to sue you. Or "offending" you in some way. The stupidest reason I saw earlier was to sue him for trying to force you to take a frivolous case (dumbass). Trashing your office is grounds, but it is so trivial that you will be laughed out of court. It's kind of like going to your teacher to tell on a kid who broke your pencil. Yeah, they shouldn't have done it, and it's against the rules, but they aren't going to get in any real trouble.
TheMathMajor 26
199 -.- that was the point of the joke, none of those are good reasons to sue.
ThaNamesBooth 10
119 must be REAAAALLY short; all that went clean over his head.
DocBastard 40
RedJester - please go look up "sarcasm" in the dictionary and get back to me.
Neorecon19 18
119 - it also depends on the extent of the damage, which could be considered vandalism, and possibly harassment. Or OP could complain about the guy not taking his daily happy pills, without taking him to court.
Mearemoi 14
What a dumbass. Suing for a measly reason like that? What has the world come to today...
evig_fml 16
*takes out a carton of eggs* it's basically come to this, watch closely now *smashes eggs*
gurly98 13
Our world is just crazy right now with the recession and everything and maybe that's why were suing people for no reason.
Demonfish 14
89- people sue other people for no reason, because, funnily enough, people just so happen to be assholes.
Chad_the_Brony 0
You think that's bad? Over here in Australia, a girl's father (or herself, news changes the story everytime) are suing their school and another kid because his daughter (the girl 'suing') was hit in the eye that left a bruise during scheduled school sport. I'm not exactly clear who's taking the law suit action out, because first it was the father then they said it was the daughter, but I would LOVE to meet them face to face and vent my thoughts on the matter.
Ugi 27
People do not sue others for no reason. People sue people for money. Occasionally they do it just to piss people off but most of the frivolous ones are down to money.
AngryCanadian 0
'MURICA, FUCKYEAH
immaMonsta 8
My God, people are too sue-happy these days.
Furrywhiplash 14
I'm suing you #6 because I disagree with your comment.
RaggleFrock 13
I'm counter suing you both for no good reason.
Fruitmonster2 15
While you guys are suing each other, I'll be getting sued for not giving out any ***** today.
kalgon 0
Janet Reno sued my penis for not saluting her when she walked by. FML. Now I Am penniless.
dacoop64 2
Your absolutely right, it's like you look at someone the wrong way and they can sue, it's do stupid
MisterMichael 9
Well that's America unfortunately but fyl
Fatlove74 6
Merica!
bjulie1998 5
Did he really think he could make a case out of that? Wow.
staymintyfresh 13
Smh... Terrible, did he have any education at all?
Eiregal2 10
what does smh mean?
Michele2luv 8
Shaking My Head- smh
evig_fml 16
I read it as a sound effect, like eh, or ah, just more smh-ish
staymintyfresh 13
...Ha, I meant it as "shaking my head" but I think I'm gonna start just reading like a strange noise of annoyance... Ahaa
Jaydinskee 5
Stupid mental hemorrhoids.
Jaydinskee 5
Stupid mental hemorrhoids.
deviable 9
For the longest time I thought it meant "so much hate".
xJoanne21xC 3
You should sue him for wasting your time and for getting violent! >:o