Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML
Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML
Today, my mom told me that I need to shave my beard because it's getting too long. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm a woman. FML
Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML
Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML
Army dudes
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Itchy arse
Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML
Back to reality
Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. Fifteen minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML
Top comments
mynameisal 0
ydi for having a chin
zattele 3
it will be funnier if OP is a girl
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Comments (161)
marinus_fml 20
could have been worse bro!
squeak_awsum_kid 0
how cood it of been worse??
marinus_fml 20
he 'cood' have been masturbating?!!
CSMhXc 0
he could have been caught sucking a dude off
samantha987 0
yeah that would be way worse...
samantha987 0
yeah that would be worse...
1121osu2110 0
you should have shaved. ur in the marines... grow up and do what your told..
hiloman500 0
maybe he will have more than one punishment... aka doing his sergeant a favor...
LightningLadyy 0
YDI, and that's that.
YouRuckingFetard 0
Atleast its not 2000 words :D
imlagginglol 0
YDI for not taking a V8 in the morning
scubasteave 2
your lucky, back in my day you would be lucky if they only made you run 5 miles. after getting a good ass chewing and maybe thrown into a few things.
VvCJHvV 6
If you are in the Military you know not to miss shaving. I know it's not fun to do it everyday, but as you will find out in your essay, it's important lol.
mattman1994 0
"Shaving is very very very very very very very very very important, you should do it really really really really really really often, because hair can get very very very very very very long. It's extremely extremely extremely important especially in the armed forces" there you go. if you go off of that you'll get 1000 words no problem
samantha987 0
35 - haha " back in my day" smh
Tweak56 0
that's the first thing they teach you in basic you should have gotten more or go on profile
omgimdabest 0
it could've been way worse!...when I was at training somebody hid one of my shoes and when we were awaken by our staff seargeant I had only one shoe...not only did I have to run 3 miles with one shoe but I had to write a 5 thousand page essay on the why " I should make sure no one steals my shit"
NoelZ 0
you gotta shave? lol
SacOmonkeyNuts 0
52 - 5 thousand pages! holy monkey nuts that's one long f'in essay
mshoes12346 3
geeeeeez yes he needs to shave but that doesnt mean hes not grown up
deewekoms 0
shaving is important because the enemy might attack by pulling your beard hairs. it's a safety precaution.
OopsieDaisies 0
That stinks. But the only person to blame is yourself.
omgimdabest 0
sorry, correction number 60 it was 5000 words not pages lol...that would be one long ******* essay!
seouldier13 0
Quit whining about your NCO putting Joe Blow in their place for Joes **** up's. Joe being you. Your in the army from the sounds of it instead of another branch. You got off lucky. Just look up the manual for uniform wear and appearance.
knypny 0
wow what a bunch of ******* I wish I could of just written a paper when I was in
Rwstudent1 0
What we did in basic is if u got caught with a little bit of scruff on ur chin your battle buddy had to shave ur face every morning because u obviously arent responsible enough to take the 10 seconds to shave everymorning. but its different in the regular army. now u just get counseling statements which leads to deduction of pay and probable demotion if u get enough article 15's. OP i suggest u get a whiteboard and put it on ur door so u can go over the list of sensitive items and important actions needed to be taken before u go to work.
ThinIce 0
Three pages. Just emphasize lol
airforce987 20
20 - who said he was in the marines? Platoon Sergeant could be in the Army also. OP - first, thanks for your service! second, shave!!! it's obviously worth the 5 extra minutes in the morning. third, be thankful he didn't run you ass off!
fendr 0
damn 1000 words thats alot of words
averageirishman 0
ydi for joining the army.
PanteraRules 0
I support any one in the service, thank you for serving your country. You really should quit whining though, it's only an essay
SeanFredrick 3
Draw a picture of someone with a really long beard. ______ /|||||||||||||||| || <>. <>. || ||| . ||| |||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||| |||||||| |||| ||| A picture is worth a 1000 words.
SeanFredrick 3
Draw a picture of someone with a really long beard. ______ /|||||||||||||||| || <>. <>. || ||| . ||| |||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||| |||||||| |||| ||| A picture is worth a 1000 words. my comment still isn't posting wtf?
kathira120 3
^^^ftw(:
Blue_Coconuts 7
An essay? What ever happened to getting the shit smoked out of you? That's how my unit did it, I don't know anyone who ever had to write an essay. One time I did see two guys give a "class" on shaving where they had to dry shave because they didn't do it.... And then they got the shit smoked out of them... Unless you were off duty, ydi man. AR 670-1.
H0TinNYC 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh shit. this guy is a ******* genius! OP, ******* shave you dirt bag. I would have chewed you up also. I bet you're a ******* private.
porter12 0
52 ... are you trying to be funny?
Cupcakeshizz 0
imagine if it was 10000 words and you had to make your essay into the shape of a mans face SHAVED :) so.. defo could have been worse :D
suppressed08 2
do what 43 said:) Im told there's generally a 10% allowance either way aswell, so only 900 to go!
Guuurlplease 0
shank his ass
lynxpopper 0
I bet you didn't do everything u were suppose to when u were a private. I bet your a supplie Sgt.
raithex 0
#168, shut the **** up. You're an ignorant pig for saying something as awful as that to the people fighting for our freedom. Please, sir, go **** off and die. I'm shocked your comment hasn't been moderated yet. That's just disgusting. OP, that does suck. You could've gotten it a lot worse, though. As long as you make sure you shave EVERY time you need to (every day if necessary, even), you should be okay. I thank you for your service. :)
TheNewGuy03 29
5000 PAGES??!?!!? hoooooly ****. |the kid|
UberFail79 0
OP, some of my friends had to write these kinds of things. I never had to, I was a good boy...(insert sarcastic smirk here).
evanizle 0
could be way worse. u could be this guy haaaaa
KiddNYC1O 22
174- that's 168's opinion so maybe you should fck off?
xXLenaXx 0
1000 words is not an essay... My shopping lists are longer than that, jeez.
smoke_eater05 0
76, more like it's possible that you won't get a proper seal on your gas mask if you need it in combat. sure, shit happens but you also look like a shitbag being the one without it. or as a volunteer back home, you'd be sucking in a lot of smoke in a burning building...
s3xw4x 0
Haha ****** boot! maybe now you'll take the 5 minutes to shave like your suppose to
SeanFredrick 3
Mkay yesterday the mods tell me ASCII is allowed and today they moderate my picture???
rabbit541 0
I don't see why any one would think this is an FML or even feel sorry for him, this is exactly what he signed up for, it's his job to shave, there's no reason why the punishment should've been worse, the platoon sgt is going easy on him
Rainbow_dumpster 28
#60- i agree >>;;;
pwincessa23 1
52 wrote a book. fck 5000 pages!!! now that's an fml
pwincessa23 1
jk hahahahahaha 5000 words!!
yuhhkno 0
44 pretty headband(: but whats smh?
skyttlz 32
43 made me laugh do what he said
Mattsta123 5
don't worry I'm sure you will get an A
luckyluke2000 2
bs 5k pages no way
blue_eyes4602 0
you know you need to shave so that is what you should have done. ydi
twizzytazzifizzl 0
Gillete Fusion OP
Tweety122888 0
suck it up soldier jeez at least ur not pushing
ctran 0
I was hoping blue coconuts would join in on this lol
PrincessBrooke23 0
mmm that's soo hott;)
hoghunter 1
hahhahaha good job devil dog. way to be a shit bag.
princesszeebunny 0
why do you have to shave?
DaKillaMafia 2
hi
scowlieMSR 0
so that's the reason! duh it was before our eyes the whole time and we never knew why!
smoke_eater05 0
268. damn, OP got DD'd! besides, it has yet to be established that the OP is a devil dog. or a soldier for that matter.
olive47_fml 0
yeah he could have gotten AIDS.. thats worse...
IndieCowboy 15
Thats retarded. In most other militaries I know it's ordered to either be clean shaven or you can bearded, only things like moustaches ain't allowed...so how come the marines don't let you sport a beard..?
noncom 12
That's not the reason. It is because of hygiene issues.
noncom 12
Sorry I meant for this to be under #76
AirbornTable 12
Holy shit you're an asshole
tpm45 25
That's about one and half to two pages on Microsoft Word... So not really.
mickeyymouse 0
oh wow. maybe you should have just shaved xD
a_b_b_s 1
that many advantages?
ijustreadem 0
that sucks lmao
Bag3l 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
sixth
hiloman500 0
hahaha fail
nrana777 0
shave then mayne.
Hollister1995 0
hahaha. fyl op:)
FFYL334 0
hot betch
marsrover12 0
What does a platoon whatever mean?
thefmlman2011 37
Like a flight (group of people)
mollylollypops 0
wow
CorpsChick 0
hahaha...this sounds like a punishment I would give someone. Have fun, and shave next time.
lausarndon 0
And you sound like the kind of people who piss me off and punish people for their own enjoyment.
knibbsy 4
12, that's lame. The only punishments for not shaving I've given out have been to moonwalk on base for an hour (McGuire AFB) or something else along those lines. Embarrassment works much better than writing essays or running IMO.
s3xw4x 0
yea that's considered hazing dumb ass. and the last time I checked you get a njp or a court martial for that
knibbsy 4
It's not hazing when it doesn't cause physical or emotional trauma, dumbass. But what do I know, I'm only a first lieutenant.
NeroKR13 0
damn bro...