Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
chosha_fml 27
It's defending the right to free speech for those who appall you the really shows if you believe in that principle or not. The beautiful thing is that that right being enshrined in the law also means that people have the freedom to speak AGAINST the things the WBC say. Their freedom is the price we pay for everyone else to have freedom of speech, too.
MoxieThoughts 0
most of the people in that church are actually lawyers, that's why they keep getting away with their hateful funeral protests, find out how they defend themselves, then maybe one day you can finally stop them and arrest their leaders and save their poor children from a lifetime of learning nothing but hate
SaltukBugraHan 8
Unlike what everyone is mentioning, you can choose your clients when you're a lawyer. Fyl to the max!
devil_dog_84 2
No such thing as an ex-marine... look alive devil dog !
MoreBeef 4
NebbThe only way to get past this is write your paper defending these douchebags, while pointing out every hypocritical thing they have said and done. **** those assholes, and of your teacher has a problem with it, send the **** to me, a 101st airborne veteran, and general asshole.
Inb4RageQuit 2
There are no FORMER marines. :D
Bludmagnus 13
This is when people find out the truth... None of the Amendments to the Constitution are absolute. The truth of the Constitution is that is modified by the original concepts of this nation.. the right to a balance of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Drizzelhell 3
How are you a former Marine? I thought its was once a Marine always a Marine!?!
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
I would refuse to do it, on the grounds of a conflict of interest due to background beliefs. The should be understanding to the fact... shouldn't they? : /
asoonerfanh 1
Thank you for your service.