Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Wokescolds gonna get you
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Private Catholic school?
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
icrest80 4
Honestly I think people can say or do whatever they want as long as theyre not forcably disturbing other people with it which is what the whitesboro church is doing
gc327072 31
Freedom of speech, a double edged sword. Good: lets us stand out against governmental wrongs. Bad: Trolls gonna troll
sens3sfailing 25
They are far worse than trolls. Even trolls say, "what a ******* troll!" when talking about them. There is being a troll, and then there is scum, then there are the extremists, then there is the west burrow baptist church. It's one this thing to speak your mind, it's another thing to go to the funeral of people who gave their lives for our country and of the people who disagreed with them and completely try to deface the memory of that person, especially to the family members of the person! I would be fine with taking away the freedom of speech from these people when they are near a funeral. Until they can even show the tiniest amount of respect for people mourning the loss of a loved one, no matter how much I may have disagreed with the person who passed over what they stood for, I will never give that church the tiniest bit of respect. I'm an atheist and respect almost all beliefs, but even I believe there is a special part of hell reserved for these people.
CaptainDoorknob 7
So far the only sin I've observed in this world is religion. It's worse than cancer, it spreads and slows down the process of science/humanity. Look at history, most wars/human made tragedies have had religious motives. Go ahead and thumb me down for pointing out the obvious.
purplemnm 9
86: They picket the funerals of soldiers, yelling hateful slurs and holding up bright signs. They are definitely disturbing people with their protests. The one good thing George W. Bush did was pass a bill stating that protests would not be allowed near any funeral at any time. They constantly break this law, and people are too afraid to fight back for some strange reason.
Danny0522 8
116- I don't think you realize the ramifications your comment will have. A flame war is upon us...
Driveshaft 5
No such thing as a "former" marine.
Driveshaft 5
No such thing as a "former" marine.
Eventuality 5
The thing is, someone did fight back. A Friend of my dad's is a gold star mum. They showed up to her son's funeral. Her ex husband tried to sue the WBC and make a point that what they were doing was wrong. The supreme court decided that the WBC was within their rights. And now he has to pay all of their legal fees and stuff from the suit.
Epsilonyx 15
So I guess Hitler and Stalin's actions were just petty outliers, seeing as how neither were religiously motivated. Right, 116? Also, it is very possible for science and religion to live in harmony. The Bible isn't meant to be a science book.
meso222 8
Oh shit son, im sorry but hitler and stalin went after... JEWS, wich then Escalated. Science and religion go together like water and oil. They stay together for a little then seperate. Religion IS the biggest cause of war in all of history, some people just hide their motivations, the other is stupid people. I was raised aroun religion, but i also read a few history books. So please shut the **** up and try to resist bobbing for onion rings. Im sorry but i hate stupid people...
Shrike 24
Actually, Hitler was Catholic. But that's irrelevant and this CaptainDoorknob guy's just a tard trying to start a big internet fight. Grow up.
gc327072 31
Ok, I promise I'll only say this to the atheist above: Unfortunately, you are correct in that it slows things down. Why religion and science/social tolerance don't coexist is beyond me. Me, my mom, and my dad are all Catholic, but none of us believe that hating gays will ever do any good, if you like men, well ok then. I just don't see what people get so upset about. It is sad to see how my brother's psycho ex-girlfriend converted him to this new, more conservative Christianity. He used to be ok with the whole gay thing as well. Now he's all "well in the Bible it says..." And I facepalm every time. My family hopes that he'll come back around, once he puts two and two together that she used religion to justify her wrongdoings. But I will suggest this, to objective atheists: 1.Sit through a Catholic mass 2. Now sit through a mass at one of those popular "bible churches". You will notice that, while the Catholics preach heavily about character, and being a good person, the majority of these "bible churches" only preach about accepting God into your life. Ok, so I have, now what? Does this mean I can go kill people? According to my brother, "well you shouldn't want to, but you will go to heaven either way." umm WHAT?! Whereas in my sphere of belief, killing people/doing similar bad things is going to send you to hell. "...and that's all I have to say, about that." -Forrest Gump
Driveshaft 5
There is no such thing as a, "former", marine.
dominic1221 6
WOW, we get it, three ****** times! Except he IS a former marine, cause he left the service. Now shut-up.
fmessiah 19
Mother Teressa was a part of a church that did a lot of damage to those countries they were trying to help, with the simple 'no condoms' rule.
doctorhook86 25
116 & 152: If you think religion is the cause of all wars then you don't know much about history; the reason is almost always resources or politics--and it's usually both. Warmongers frame their causes religiously in order to garner support, but when it comes down to it, temporal problems (like war) always have temporal causes. ...So quit being stupid, and try thinking critically one in a while.
DrDilllonReese 12
90% of the people who hate religion are a bunch of 13 year old high school middle school kids who decided they were atheist for the attention it would garner or to piss off mommy and daddy. Go learn something about a religion before you bash it.
Driveshaft 5
Probably the only time I'll defend something I wrote... In the army you train in an MOS and regardless if you're infantry(as I was) or you support the infantry you are referred to as a soldier. In the marines, all are full combat trained first and earn the right to become a Marine. If you doubt the validity of my words, you go ask a Marine who is no longer active if he(or she) is a "former" marine. There is a difference. Anyone who earns a dishonorable discharge is the only person you can call a former marine. If you've never served, or been related to one who served, you wouldn't know.
DictatorDom 5
I went through two bags of my flame war popcorn reading that flame war!
Reeserr 3
195- calm down, lol he misused a word so you wrote an essay over it. Does it really matter that much
zen1979 16
Personally I think people get so caught up in the debate of science OR religion that they totally overlook the fact that the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I expect a lot of contrary belief on this but if you really think about it, and keep an open mind, each can actually validate the other.
CaptainDoorknob 7
Lol I care less what you think of me. I fight for what I believe is right. I've only ever in my life seen the ugly side of religion. Oh no I'm going to suffer an eternity in hell? Hell doesn't exist.
taffy1239 3
169: You can't just pull statistics out of thin air, you need something to back them up. I'm religious, and I couldn't care less about what other people think of my beliefs. Retaliating with a fake statistic that's meant to offend seems childish. Agree to disagree.
lonestarfox 0
Oorah
emag_eht 18
199- When Christians say that God will provide/take care of you it mostly means that he'll help you overcome your difficulties but you also have to put in some effort to it. You can't expect everything to be handed to you though. Your father took that teaching literally. It's like saying the good Samaritan left the guy on the ground because "God will take care of him." You're supposed to help others and help yourself. Your father was just an asshole. God could have made it so you didn't make it no matter what, but you were made to do something so he protected you. In that case God took care of you and made it so you lived. But your mom had to do something besides pray so that you could live. I hope the reason you're atheist is not because of your father because you need to learn more about Christianity before judging it.
dominic1221 6
Who gives a ****? It's FML, not church. Stop ruining a good FML, dipshits.
Mr_Krabs 5
157- So...basically what you are saying is Christianity Church< Catholic Church? That could be a little biased, dont you think? Ive seen many amazing "bible churches" who do amazing things around the world (ie: building wells in africa+many other things) and around the community. The sermons (i have to listen to because of parent issues) are mostly centered around what you said Catholic churches are centered around (how to be a good person and how to deal with various situations). Now, dont get me wrong, ive seen many outstanding catholic churches also. But you acted like the Catholic church was ok with Gay people, when the hivemind of the church is not. I know the "bible churches" are against it too, but you acted like the Christian church was horrendous, and the Catholic church was soo accepting. Please correct me if im wrong on some of your points.
kitkatkit 4
The only thing God does is make people look at things in hindsight. If someone survives, It was God's will. If they die, it was in God's plan. It's bullshit. He survived because he received the proper care he needed to survive. There is no God.
dominic1221 6
I'm just gonna say it again, cause you're just that stupid: "Who the **** gives a shit?"
iwadasn 33
117, people don't fight back because the WBC knows the law very, very well. They don't picket AT funerals; they picket NEAR them. Nothing they do is unconstitutional, so anyone who tries to sue them loses. Then there are the people who are goaded into attacked them when they're protesting, and then they get charged with assault because since WBC doesn't technically do anything illegal, the attack is considered "unprovoked." Basically they've hit on how to be the most horrible people they can be without actually breaking the law.
white16sox 19
All of you are going to get the comments closed on yet another FML. Well i look dumb now because all the arguments have been deleted.
rosesofash860 8
Recuse yourself! Conflict of interest! From what I've read from their dispicable website that whole hateful family is full of lawyers. Trust me, unfortunately they will do just fine without you. No need to compromise your morals AND your professional reputation with that scum!
rosesofash860 8
Sorry red the FML wrong. I wish I could thumb down my own comment Again!*facepalm*
Arch27 27
THAT is ridiculous. I'd repeal.
sens3sfailing 25
117 and a few others, you have read 86's comment wrong, they support them being silenced. He said WBC was doing the things that would be the exception to freedom of speech in their opinion! Thumbs up 86! They aren't stupid, they agree!
munchy22 5
#86: So you don't think they're disturbing others whenever they show up at Marines/soldiers' funerals causing a ruckus with their hateful signs? Do tell us then how they're no disturbance to others.
sens3sfailing 25
Omg, another non-reader. They agree with you... Please refer to my comment above yours...god, people really don't seem to give a **** about making sure the person they are yelling at thinks what they really think is going on. Read a comment twice if you are going to respond to it. You just make yourself look stupid...
st333ph 12
I really wanna thumbs this up but I can't cos the option to thumb it up or down keeps sliding away every time I try to go up the page to thumb it up. This was truly amazing.
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
JiHadJoe910 2
You win comment of the day!
JoeRogansBEARD 15
You win lame reply of the day!!!
gc327072 31
103- give 'em some credit; at least it all rhymed.
coughyochick 7
110- please, it's not your time
Kn0wledge123 21
^ Impromptu rap battle? No?
Big_lama6 7
A goal in your life should be to give them a reason to protest at your funeral. That usually is an indicator you led a good, respectable life.
picturescrazy 24
It's good practice. Lawyers are always going to be forced to defend people whose opinions they don't agree with. Better get used to it now.
ebonyirony 29
My dads motto is "my views are opposite of whomever I argue with". Ignore the ending of the sentence with a preposition. I forget his exact wording.
123man 11
Unless you're one of the huge percentage of lawyers who don't work in courtrooms or with any part of the criminal justice system.
murphy22 6
Well.... You could start with their people too... Ignorant people. Ignorant people have a right to free speech.
murphy22 6
**they're. Apologies, autocorrect doesn't check grammar.
botanistjessica 24
But brains can.
Gremlinswife 13
You actually had it right the first time with "their"
Gremlinswife 13
:-)
Marcella1016 32
I think he was trying to say "they're people too, even though they're ignorant"
chell1894 13
Her whole comment and grammar confused me...
murphdarkly 13
They're is the correct one like she corrected herself. As they're is short for they are people, which is what she was saying rather than the mistake which would be imply possessiveness of the people
docscientist 10
I figure she meant 'their people' as in those belonging to westboro
raraisbang 12
She meant "they're" as in "they are people too."
mackdeezy 22
Could be worse. They COULD love your paper so much they use it as leverage to defend their actions.
gc327072 31
ohgodwhy.jpg
dhall30 8
That's a horrible thing to have to do especially as a former marine. They will be all the more impressed with you if you can do a good job subjectively.
onlychildFTW 34
I don't get why this is such a bad thing. Would anyone explain please?
MedKits 9
Westboro Baptist Church is the scum you might find on the bottom of someone's shoe. Probably the biggest object of their hatred are the armed forces. Does that clear things up for you?
MistaKrista 8
They are church members that protest, about how being gay is a sin, at military funerals.
WhisperSoflty 20
Just to add on, they also believe that every military member who dies in combat is killed by god as retribution for the US being open to homosexuality. Essentially, they're psychopaths. Horrible, warped psychos who have no clue how wrong they are.
Axipiter 24
They're a waste of ******* skin. They should exist solely for the purpose of organ donation.
afropuffjake 9
Semper Fidelis. Stay loyal even when the cause is questionable right?
hurtandabused 7
Would u want the organ?
TheLadyOpal 30
I don't think anyone sane would want their organs. Who knows how full of poison they are?
Zomg_Okay 27
52 - I wouldn't want an organ from one of those fucktards but I'd take it anyway on the grounds that I could put it to better use.
onlychildFTW 34
Wow. They do sound horrible. Thanks for explaining it to me. They do sound just like horrible to everything really. I didn't know there were still groups of people like that.
outoftown 27
#6 and 57, It gets worse: The bigoted pastor also helped publicize the anti-Islamic film/trailer that inflamed strict Muslims and caused anti-American protests around the world, including at the Libyan consulate where the US ambassador, others Americans, and Libyan security forces were killed on 9-11-2012.
desireev 18
They are just terrible, cruel, EXTREMELY misguided people. When they came down to my town to crash a soldiers funeral, they were, literally, chased out of town with bats, guns, bows and arrows, and torches. We wouldn't let them raise hell down here!
Sicilysstallion 2
Those bastards had no right going after our ambassador the day all dune coons burn in hell is the day I'll smile
gc327072 31
I would run them over with my powerchair. They're that terrible
sheethapins 13
Not to mention, they even got involved at the shooting involving a politician, a child, and several other victims. When the victims who were killed died, they went so far as to protest their funerals as well, including the 6 year old little girl's.
Grimmerie 31
My country no longer lets them across the border.
katems 5
Same?
onlychildFTW 34
They seem like idiots really. This is the 21st century. Not the 11th century. They need to realize what they are doing is wrong, hurtful, and unwanted by society. And if they don't get this they should be met with lead to the body.
devandanae 11
They said that the 6 people that died in the tornado where I'm from was a blessing and called us okie rebels.
XtraEzeee 8
Not to mention, two days after the deadly 2008 Sichuan earthquake in China, They issued a press release thanking God for the heavy loss of life, and praying "for many more earthquakes to kill many more thousands of impudent and ungrateful Chinese." These people seriously deserve a rusty needle to the windpipe.
Zomg_Okay 27
They have this website dedicated to hating Irish people because we're Irish. They've even got this little video where they dance on the "Irish" flag. It's ******* hilarious because it's the wrong flag. :D
JayBear14 11
They held a protest at our school and my principle promised free icecream at lunch for a month and 2 weeks of being able to wear jeans and whatever shirt we wanted just so nobody would react to them while they were there. They were rude obnoxious people, one even hit my car with his sign when i was pulling into school.
freshlybreezy 15
That wouldn't be enough for me to keep my mouth shut.
iamkaylaurnot 5
It does suck but, writing an awesome unbiased paper will just help you on your path to becoming a really good lawyer.
every1luvsboners 11
The Westboro Baptist church retards are all horrible actors looking for attention and money. They aren't out there protesting to defend their religion or bible - the only reason you see them is because they are attention starved morons looking to make a couple dollars from the idiotic bigots whom occupy this nation.
KiddNYC1O 22
Bigots
Kn0wledge123 21
Good intro! Now he can explain why they have the right to free speech.
TKmax 5
Bible. Aren't we just shouting words. No just me then
Arch27 27
Calling the WBC "retards" is insulting to the mentally handicapped. The WBC are a group of bigots Hell-bent on spreading their own brand of hatred. I honestly hope that some day someone has one of those psychotic moments where they open fire with an AK-47 on a crowd, and that crowd just happens to be the WBC. I'd fight for that psycho's right for open expression.
greenie213 23
Those bastards threatened to come to my town to protest a plane crash killing two small girls and their parents.
gracehi 33
I also strongly protest plane crashes that kill people... Oh you mean protest the FUNERAL. My bad. Yeah, that's a pretty dick move.
PhishloverA 14
#9 that's when you take a gun and shoot them all in their faces
gracehi 33
#66, I seriously hope you're joking because that's when you go to jail for mass murder and make those assholes martyrs. As abhorrent as The Westboro Baptist Church is, they are peaceful and have never physically harmed anyone or even, to my knowledge, threatened to hurt anyone.
Myo_fml 20
Unfortunately, you sir are correct. They're untouchable because death only seems to make people look better if killed wrongfully, no matter how terrible and wretched.
sierraleeannee 13
They came to my home town to protest at a soldiers funeral. -_- everyone ran them out of town though. :)
greenie213 23
And nobody got sued by their army of lawyers? Bravo to you.
laden_swallow09 35
66- And you dare use Bob Marley's likeness after you've made a comment like that? Read a few biographies about him and apologize.
sheethapins 13
98 You beat me to it. Sacrilege.
asherdawn86 3
they did the same thing to my town. except it was 2 young boys and a girl who was killed in a car crash. said we were killing our youth an we would go to hell for it. it was a freak accident in December when the roads were icy. this isn't the only time theyve threaten our town.
Moonshadows 1
That doesn't even make any sense. Why would you protest a plane crash? It's not like if you stand out there with signs it will make the crash not happen, or make people not care. I don't understand people at all.
junkman6 22
I gotta agree with 66 sometimes its just that time to clean the gene pool. Those idiots wouldn't have the right to protest I it wasn't for the marines. I know they stayed away from my friends funeral in California, if they showed up it would have ended with alot of us former military in jail but I'd tell the judge it was worth it.
failgamer 7
Ask to change topics, or just defend their talented opinions of how everything needs to burn in hell, they are evil humans
billyhtchcoc 3
Asking to change topics would show that he's not suited to being an attorney to almost any law professor. As an attorney you will certainly be asked to defend clients with whom you disagree, and it's actually best to be confronted with that fact sooner in your education than later.
livamour 17
I think if he weren't an ex-marine he should try to do his best with the assignment. Since he is, I feel that's a reaaaalllyyy good reason to change topics. I also think he said he'll have to go to the actual church, they probably won't let him attend anyway.
livamour 17
Ohp nevermind